Hey woody!
You’ve got balls, man. I heard you on a Rock & Roll station with two of the most homophobic DJ’s in town. One of them said you could get a gay guy drunk and get him to have sex with a woman, but you couldn’t get a straight guy drunk and have sex with another man. In the middle of your answer my boss called my cell and I had to take his call. What was your response and how did they handle it?
Hey woody!
You’ve got balls, man. I heard you on a Rock & Roll station with two of the most homophobic DJ’s in town. One of them said you could get a gay guy drunk and get him to have sex with a woman, but you couldn’t get a straight guy drunk and have sex with another man. In the middle of your answer my boss called my cell and I had to take his call. What was your response and how did they handle it?
— Waiting to hear
Dear Waiting:
I said, “You’ve never heard of a Three-Beer Queer?” I told them that alcohol is an equal opportunity thigh opener. Yes, it’s easier to get a gay guy to sleep with a woman but only because there’s no stigma attached to it. I asked one of the DJs, “If I sleep with your lovely and talented morning show hostess, would that make me straight?” “No,” he said. “It’d make you crazy.”
Now that’s my kind of DJ. He grudgingly admitted that screwing a woman wouldn’t make me straight. But, then came the double standard. When I asked him if screwing a guy would make him gay, he said yes. And there’s the rub, or rather, the stigma. Not to mention the hypocrisy. It reminded me of that old joke in Montana (yes, believe it or not, I spent a few years there). It goes like this: “You hunt all your life, nobody calls you a hunter. You live in the woods all your life, nobody calls you a woodsman. But you suck ONE c@ck, and they always call you a c@$%sucker!”
Sleeping with a straight woman doesn’t make you any more straight than a heterosexual man sleeping with a homosexual makes him gay. A straight guy who has no sexual interest in other guys could still have sex with one. How? The same way I had sex with women –by fantasizing they were guys. The adult film industry is always using fantasy to get straight guys to have sex with gay guys. Yes, there are plenty of drugs to put the straight guys in a fog, but you know what else they have? Straight adult videos playing for the “stars” to watch. That way the straight guys getting pleasured have something to watch that turns them on. Which reminds me: Know how you get a former adult film star off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.
