Need Wood: I Hate Black Condoms…Am I Racist?

wood_banHey Woody!

Last week was the first time I went home with a black guy.  He wanted me to f–k him and I obliged.  He put a condom on me but I never took my eyes off of his, he was so beautiful.  I put the head of my c–k up against his anus and just as I began to push I looked down, freaked out, jumped up and ripped off the condom.  You see, my d–k looked like he had stained it with some kind of black ink.  When I turned the light on I saw that all he did was put a black condom on me.  Well, needless to say, he didn’t take my reaction very well.  Called me a racist.  Said, “Sure, it’s okay to f–k a black man but not with a black d–k.”

I kept trying to explain that I was surprised; that I hate condoms enough as it is; that condoms in ANY color make them more hateful to me; that I would’ve had the same reaction if he had put a green condom on me.  But he wasn’t having it.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I was really attracted to the guy but he threw me out.  There I was, standing outside his apartment buck-naked, holding my clothes in my arms, staring at his door.  Tell it to me straight, Woody.  Am I a racist for not wanting a black condom on my white d–k?

–  Wanna go back to black

Dear Wanna:

I don’t think you’re a racist.  I think you’re a drama queen.  There was no pain or discomfort when he put the condom on so why did you act like Sigourney Weaver kicked the door in and screamed that The Alien just crawled up your ass?

There was a better way to handle the shock of seeing a black condom on your d–k.  All you had to do was say, “You know, I really don’t like colored condoms, can you get me something plain?”

Your over-reaction caused his over-reaction.  You shouldn’t have jumped out of bed and he shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.

Personally, I think it’s a good idea for African-Americans to wear black condoms if it looks and feels better to them.  Face it, condoms are not completely transparent—they’ve got a flesh tint.  And the flesh is Caucasian, not black.

In fact, the lack of black condoms caused a controversy in South Africa’s AIDS prevention efforts.  A famous black star, Pieter-Dirk Uys, once told a gathering of senior officials that black teenagers are refusing to wear “white” condoms because they think pale latex looks ridiculous against black skin.   Uys told the health department it should make black condoms available if it wanted to succeed in its battle to curb the spread of the virus.

“Condoms are made for white people,” he said, after visiting teenagers at hundreds of schools.  “Black kids tell me they don’t use them because they look ugly and the kids are laughed at when they wear them.”   He quoted one teenager as saying, ‘Dis soos ‘n vrot mielie wat daar hang.’”  Translation:  “It hangs there like a rotten mealie.”  Mealie is a dough made of corn meal.  Gross, huh?   But you have to admit, the kid’s got a point.

There are black dildos, black porn, so why not black condoms?  If you want them, you can find them in specialty stores like www.condomania.com.  Among the choices:  LifeStyles’ “Tuxedo” and Contempo’s “Midnight Desire.”

As to your original question, it’s possible to be racist and have sex with African-Americans (slave owners did it all the time).  Still, I have to ask:  why is it that when white people have the slightest discomfort with black people they’re automatically labeled racist?