Tired of Your Sht

Hey Woody,

You anorexic son of a b-tch. How dare you describe sex between overweight people as “lard-a– sex?” Your advice to your “truly tubby readers” was the kind of hateful and disreputable intolerance we expect out of Rush Limbaugh.

You think you’re funny, but you’re actually just a sorry excuse for a queer.  You think you’ve overcome so much but in your attitudes you haven’t achieved anything toward becoming a decent human being.  My suggestion to your editors is to have you attend a club party in a 250-pound fat suit.  Take a walk in someone else’s chub before you fling the insults.

I’m part of the Fat Liberation Movement and proud of it.  Why don’t you just accept that people come in all sizes and that one isn’t better than the other?

-Tired of your s–t

Dear Tired,

Christ, here we go again–another hand wringing, bed-wetting crybaby who can’t stand to be poked fun at.  First of all, let me say this to ALL my readers, not just the porky ones:  If you’re looking for warmth and compassion you’ve got the wrong column.  Try Chicken Soup for the C-ck.  It’s three aisles over.

As for you, Mr. Walking Heart Attacks Have Rights Too, you’re treating fat as if it were a moral issue instead of a health crisis.  I’m not buying it.  According to the Centers for Disease Control, 62% of us are overweight or obese.

In some people, obesity can be explained by genetic abnormalities.  But that’s just not true for most.  If it were, then why did the Centers for Disease Control report that obesity among adults increased almost 60% since 1991?  What, was there a white sale on genetic mutations and God couldn’t keep the shelves stocked?

That obesity in the United States is a serious public health threat to millions of Americans is not my opinion.  It’s the CDC’s.

They went so far as to describe obesity as “epidemic” and that we need to respond to it “as vigorously as we do to an infectious disease.”

By the way, obesity is defined as being at least 30 pounds over your ideal weight.  Overweight and physical inactivity account for more than 300,000 premature deaths each year in the U.S., second only to tobacco-related deaths.  Obesity and overweight are also linked to heart disease, diabetes and other chronic conditions.

Fat Liberation, my a–.

What am I supposed to say to the people I love who happen to be overweight?  “Here, dear, have another rack of ribs.  You’re liberated, you know.”

I stand by my previous advice: If your obesity isn’t genetic and you are having problems touching your partner’s genitals because your stomach is in the way, the answer isn’t to try different positions, it’s to lose the weight.

My heart really does go out to people struggling with their weight.  The method is simple (eat less, exercise more) but the process is not.  Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, body image issues, society’s conspiracy (why don’t we have fast-food fruit?), all contribute to the difficulty in losing weight.

Should I be more compassionate?  I already am.  You just don’t see it.  In life, I pat hands; in print I kick a–.