Hey Woody!

Have you heard about a supplement that’s supposed to make your c-m taste sweet?  Is this real or one of those red flags being waved in front of ground-pawing bulls like me looking for the next big thing in sex?

– Sweet Tooth

Dear Tooth:

I love your bullfighting analogy because that’s exactly what you have to do when you’re faced with the claims of most supplements—fight bull.

The latest thing making nostrils flare in horny anticipation is a supplement called “Semenex,” manufactured by MMOR Research. Semenex is a dietary supplement made up of fruits, vegetables, spices, vitamins and minerals.  You mix the powder in a glass of water, and voilà, 12 to 24 hours later your semen tastes like a new Ben & Jerry’s flavor.

Hey, wait a second, what’s that smell?  Check the soles of your shoes, everybody.  I think we just stepped on another pile of dietary supplement claims.

There is no proof whatsoever that anything can change the taste of your semen.  Yes, there are all kind of “experts” claiming you can make your c-m taste better if you do the Hokey Pokey and drink this unpasteurized pineapple juice with that hormonal strawberry.  Only doctors with Caribbean medical degrees believe that.

Hey Woody!

If all these drugs are making HIV undetectable in blood tests then why can’t I bareback safely with an HIVpositive guy?  I don’t get it.  If it’s undetectable, then it’s not there, right?  And if it’s not there, why should I use a rubber?

Detect THIS

Dear THIS:

Undetectable doesn’t mean non-existent.

Let’s say you and Mr. He Wants Me But He Doesn’t Know It are leaning against the bar.  He turns his back on you and you slip some GHB in his drink. The bartender, who doesn’t give a s–t what people do to each other as long as it doesn’t cut into his tips, immediately comes over, grabs the drink and conducts an on-the-spot test.  But the test only measures the active ingredient in GHB to .005 mgs per liter, and you put in .004.  The bartender leaves you alone.  Does this mean your hatefulness was non-existent?  Or undetectable?

Same thing with HIV.  The hatefulness of this virus can only be measured to a certain threshold.  If it dips below this threshold we know it’s still there, it’s just that our instruments aren’t sensitive enough to pick it up.

What AIDS experts will not say publicly is that having sex with an HIV-infected man with undetectable levels of HIV in his blood is safer than having sex with one who has detectable levels.

So yes, it’s safer.  But is it safe?  Hardly.  For one, HIV strains left in the wake of an onslaught of powerful drug combinations are often drug-resistant. This means that some people with undetectable virus in their blood risk passing on HIV strains that can’t be treated with current drugs.

Don’t assume that just because someone’s on a cocktail therapy that they automatically have undetectable levels of HIV in their blood.  Studies show that 45-50% have undetectable levels.   It could rise to as high as 85% but only if patients take the drugs as prescribed.  A good many don’t.

If you still want to bareback after what I just said, then stop reading this column, babe.