Need Wood?


Need Wood: Gender Roles? How Quaint!

Hey Woody! I’ve always been the raging top and my boyfriend the insatiable bottom.  But lately he’s been bugging me to reverse our banging sessions.  He wants to bury the bone for a change and I don’t blame him.  But here’s the thing.  I like my guys a little on the nelly side (I have […]


Need Wood: Have a Coke and a Smile…

Hey Woody! I’m a surgeon working in the operating room (OR) of a major hospital. One night, a man walks into the ER complaining of an “unfortunate soft drink accident.” Meaning, he got a Coke bottle stuck up his a–. Well, Woody, this was no ordinary man. He was the CEO of a Fortune 500 […]


Need Wood: What do I do? I’m Stumped!

Hey Woody! A friend “came out” to me but I’m so repulsed by his secret I don’t know if I can remain friends with him. He’s not gay; he’s sexually obsessed with amputees. And it’s worse than you think, Woody. He constantly cruises websites showing amputees in bathing suits. He doesn’t just obsess about having […]


Need Wood: Please Don’t Say That!

Hey Woody! I’m white and my new black boyfriend wants me to call him “N—-r” in bed.  Now, Woody, I’m a good liberal.  I can’t say s–t like “Take this big white c–k, farm n—-r,” like he wants me to.  What can I do to talk him out of it?  He’s really angry with me, […]


Need Wood: It’s Been A While…

Hey Woody!  I wasn’t just burned in my last relationship, I was incinerated.  It’s been two years since I had sex.  I do masturbate, but I just can’t get myself out there in the dating scene.  I’m too scared and I just can’t handle it, even though I’m dying to have another relationship (or just […]


Need Wood: Searching for Downstairs Delights!

Hey Woody! My boyfriend won’t go down on me. It’s driving me crazy. I go down on him all the time and he loves it, but he won’t reciprocate. He says he doesn’t feel right about it and that he plain doesn’t like it. How can I get him to change his mind? — Dying […]


Need Wood: There’s Something About Twentysomethings…

Hey Woody! When I was in my 20s I liked guys in their 20s. When I was in my 30s I liked guys in their 20s. And now that I’m in my 40s, guess what I like? I can still pick up younger guys and get away with it because I look young, I lie […]


Need Wood: Staying Positive in a Negative World

Hey Woody! I’m tired of my friends giving me attitude for being a viralcentric. I’m HIV positive and for the last 10 years I’ve had negative lovers, and I’m tired of it. I don’t want the emotional turmoil of wondering what their next HIV test will show. I don’t want to be pitied, worried about, […]


Need Wood: The Benefits of Having Friends with Benefits

Hey Woody! I’ve had several “f–k buddies.” You know, guys who I get together with on a regular basis just to have sex, not to date. My buddies never seem to last more than a few months, though. One of us starts falling for the other, or one of us loses interest. Either way it […]


Need Wood: Is Woody a One-Wood Man?

Hey Woody! You’ve gotten a lot of flak from people about your position on monogamy. Reading you week to week, it’s actually kinda hard to pin you down. Sometimes you defend it, sometimes you attack it. Are you waffling on us? — Unsure myself Dear Unsure: Monogamy is either a necessary ingredient for couples to […]


Need Wood: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!

Hey Woody! When we first started dating my boyfriend admitted he cheated on all three of his ex-lovers. He said he changed his ways, and that he wanted a committed life partner. He’s cheated on me a few times throughout our three-year relationship.  Each time we talked about it and he swore it would never […]


Need Wood: A Major Breach in Kissing Etiquette

Hey Woody! I’m dating Mr. Right, except he turns into Mr. Fright when he kisses. It’s like he’s sweeping for land mines with his tongue. I give him tongue too but it’s more of a flanking maneuver to stop the onslaught. How can I call a truce to our tongue wars and teach him how […]


Need Wood: Are Things Supposed to Go…in There?

Hey Woody! My boyfriend has gotten into catheters so much he can now bury his pinky down his shaft. Am I dating a masochist? Do you think this type of “extreme sex” is dangerous? — Re-thinking Him Dear Re-thinking: You have a boyfriend who gets off by sticking a soft plastic tube into his d–k […]


Need Wood: Is This a “Criminal Minds” Episode?

Hey Woody! One day I came home early and snuck upstairs hoping to catch my boyfriend beating off to internet p-rn (he’s a freak about it). I tiptoe in but he hears me before I reached the computer screen and he goes berserk, yelling and screaming at me to leave the room. That’s when I […]


Need Wood: Call Febreeze! There’s a Noseblindness Emergency!

Hey Woody! I love my new boyfriend but his obsession with me kinda scares me. He loves my c-m on his chest so much he won’t shower before work and I swear you can smell it on him. Is this a sign that it’s going to get worse? How can I get him to wash […]