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Need Wood Advice Collumn

Need Wood: Butt Seriously, I Have a Query!

Hey Woody! Are some people’s butts just built differently than others?  I mean on the inside.  My boyfriends and I both enjoy playing bottom, but he could swallow dining room furniture with so much as a hit of poppers, and I struggle with the basic big d–k.  It makes me jealous that he can take […]

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Need Wood: This Problem Ain’t Mine, It’s Urine!

Hey Woody! So I finally get my boyfriend to swallow my c-m and what comes out during the moment of truth?  Urine. Needless to say, he’s furious.  He’s convinced that I just wanted to humiliate him.  What happened? -  Pissed off Dear Pissed off: Maybe he’ll calm down when he hears there’s a medical explanation.  […]

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Need Wood: Yadda Yadda Yadds…I’m Happy Now!

Hey Woody, I’m getting all kinds of s–t from friends and co-workers about the fact that my boyfriend and I have an open relationship.  In my whole gay life I have met only one couple that didn’t cheat on each other.  What we’re doing just seems more honest.  Are all these negativities I am receiving […]

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Need Wood: I Have No “Gay Sense”…Help Me Get My Man!

Hey, Woody! I’m a 22-year-old curious deaf young man wanting to look for a lover.  When I go on a public transportation, I can’t tell who is gay or not.  I feel that I do not have a “gay radar.”  Where do I find a man who likes me very much?  Do I need to […]

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Need Wood: I Can Make My Own Toys at Home?

Hey, Woody! Tell me it ain’t so!  I just brought the Mitchell Rock’s “realistic” life-size replica of his — ahem — “manhood” through a mail order company.  When it arrived via my humpy UPS guy (another fantasy, another letter), I tore open the box and …OH MY GAWD!  That simply cannot exist in nature!  Please […]

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Need Wood: We’re Not Sick Like You!

Hey Woody! HotSpots is a respectable magazine.  YOUR section of the magazine, however, seems to drag the whole publication down to the gutter.  There are plenty of guys who do not have these bizarre, deranged sexual “problems.”  My boyfriend and I are the perfect example of this. Also, if you were this hot sexual pirate […]

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Need Wood: Scraping the Bottom of His Barrel

  Hey, Woody! I bought a couple of dildos to try loosening me up (one was about 7” and the other a thick one about 9”).  The results haven’t been so great for me.  I tried sitting on the dildos and then literally running out of the bathroom and jumping on my beau. That works […]

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Need Wood: All About Orgasms

  Hey, Woody! Whenever my boyfriend is about to c-m he gets these weird twitches and spasms in his face.  I can tell when he’s going to have a geyser-like orgasm by how spastic his facial muscles get.  He says he’s always been that way and it doesn’t hurt, so basically it’s my problem.  I […]

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Need Wood: Fun-derwear!

  Hey Woody! Do you think the right underwear can get you laid?  I have a friend who has an unbelievable collection of “funderwear” and swears it’s like a pheromone for guys once he gets them in bed.  On the off chance he isn’t insane, what would you recommend I wear to turn guys on? […]

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Need Wood: If Heaven is for Real Then What About Hell?

  Hey, Woody! Just yesterday The Vatican defrocked its former ambassador to the Dominican Republic for child molestation charges. What’s your view on the still continuing scandals?  And since I know you’re going to be sacrilegious I have one other question:  If I read the things you write that will send you to hell will […]