Need Wood?

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Need Wood: We’re Not Sick Like You!

Hey Woody! HotSpots is a respectable magazine.  YOUR section of the magazine, however, seems to drag the whole publication down to the gutter.  There are plenty of guys who do not have these bizarre, deranged sexual “problems.”  My boyfriend and I are the perfect example of this. Also, if you were this hot sexual pirate […]

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Need Wood: Scraping the Bottom of His Barrel

  Hey, Woody! I bought a couple of dildos to try loosening me up (one was about 7” and the other a thick one about 9”).  The results haven’t been so great for me.  I tried sitting on the dildos and then literally running out of the bathroom and jumping on my beau. That works […]

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Need Wood: All About Orgasms

  Hey, Woody! Whenever my boyfriend is about to c-m he gets these weird twitches and spasms in his face.  I can tell when he’s going to have a geyser-like orgasm by how spastic his facial muscles get.  He says he’s always been that way and it doesn’t hurt, so basically it’s my problem.  I […]

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Need Wood: Fun-derwear!

  Hey Woody! Do you think the right underwear can get you laid?  I have a friend who has an unbelievable collection of “funderwear” and swears it’s like a pheromone for guys once he gets them in bed.  On the off chance he isn’t insane, what would you recommend I wear to turn guys on? […]

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Need Wood: If Heaven is for Real Then What About Hell?

  Hey, Woody! Just yesterday The Vatican defrocked its former ambassador to the Dominican Republic for child molestation charges. What’s your view on the still continuing scandals?  And since I know you’re going to be sacrilegious I have one other question:  If I read the things you write that will send you to hell will […]

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Need Wood? They’re Not Mud Puddles…But They’re Still Dirty!

 Hey, Woody! I’ve heard that p-rn stars take a supplement called lecithin to increase semen volume.   Does it really work? If not, is there anything else that will do the trick?  I want to leave puddles on my partner’s chests, not drops. —  Shooting for the sky Dear Shooting: You could c-m vats too […]

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Need Wood: Lati-No-You-Didn’t

Hey, Woody! Stop printing bigotry!  A few columns ago you offered advice to a guy who was into Latinos.  You said, and I quote, “Bottom Line: If you want more brown, get more white.”  Then you blatantly stated that there is a “social pecking order to desirable mates and whites are at the top of […]

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Need Wood: I’m going to be sick…

  Hey, Woody! I know you’re going to make fun of me when I ask this question.  It just goes to show you how desperate I am. I have desires that I’ve only recently owned up to.  I fantasize about them all the time but I’ve never acted on them for obvious reasons.  Here it […]

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Need Wood: Here She Is…Miss America?

Hey, Woody! Last week I caught my nine-year-old son masturbating while watching TV.   Now don’t laugh woody, but I was really upset because the station was tuned to the Miss America contest.  Both my lover and I want our son to turn out gay, not straight.  By and large, I think straight guys are prejudiced, […]

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Need Wood: Daddy’s Dressing Like Mommy

Hey, Woody! I’m a straight woman with a gay son.  I’ve read a couple of your columns and figured you might have an answer for a question I don’t know who to ask.  No, it’s not about my son; it’s about his father.  He likes to wear my bras, panties and dresses.  He only likes […]