Need Wood?


Need Wood: Call Febreeze! There’s a Noseblindness Emergency!

Hey Woody! I love my new boyfriend but his obsession with me kinda scares me. He loves my c-m on his chest so much he won’t shower before work and I swear you can smell it on him. Is this a sign that it’s going to get worse? How can I get him to wash […]


Need Wood: Good Girls Don’t on the First Flight

Hey Woody! I keep meeting these guys that sexually tease me and then at the last minute they play Sister Mary Magdalene and claim they’re “just not that kind of girl.” Last month I met some flight attendant on the way home from a business trip and he agreed to spend the next weekend with […]


Need Wood: When Partying with Tina Goes Wrong

Hey Woody! I’m totally into the drug scene but I have to admit things are starting to get a little out of hand. One of my friends actually died from a crystal addiction and several others landed in the ER. I’m in control when I do drugs and I try to get my friends to […]


Need Wood: Sealed with a Kiss

Hey Woody! I’ve been told I’m a great kisser but I couldn’t tell you why—I just do whatever comes naturally. I mean, I don’t say to myself things like ‘okay, dart your tongue in three times, back off and finish with a lick over his teeth.” Still, I’m wondering, if I wanted to get even […]


Need Wood: There’s Got to be a Morning After…

Hey Woody! Do you think I should use a “morning after” prophylactic when I get drunk and end up barebacking with a poz guy? — Positive or negative, it’s beef Dear Beef: Yes. The medical consensus is that if you know you’ve just had unsafe sex with an HIV infected person, you should go on […]


Need Wood: Just Say No…Right

Hey Woody! After 30 hours with no sleep, which included two nights of dancing, drinking, using Ecstasy and “G”, someone slipped me an overdose of God knows what. In about an hour I was so messed up I couldn’t complete a sentence. Before long I was vomiting. But not just vomiting, I mean VOMITTING. As […]


Need Wood: Is March Kink Awareness Month?

Hey Woody! I liked your answer to the guy who j-rks off to the horrible pictures on –that his fantasies are horrible, but that he probably isn’t. You recommended “the couch.”  Yes, but which couch?  Most therapists aren’t prepared, emotionally or conceptually to help such a person.  He should hunt for those few who […]


Need Wood: Over the OD’s!

  Hey Woody! I’m an emergency medical services worker (EMS) who’s just about had it with the gay drug culture. EMS workers hate “OD” calls (Overdose) because it’s always potentially a life-or-death run. Sort of like an “MI” call (Myocardial Infarction, a.k.a. heart attack), only worse because at least the heart attack victims didn’t bring […]


Need Wood: Hey, Nice Feet!

Hey Woody! Some dude approached a friend with the opening line, “Hey, you’ve got cute feet” and handed him a card inviting him to a private foot fetish party.  I’m not feeling left out, just curious:  What makes for cute feet? Any guidance would be much appreciated. —   Not your sole admirer Dear Not: What […]


Need Wood: It’s Not Me…It’s You!

Hey Woody! I’m a 23-year-old GWM — conventionally cute, a little shy, fairly intelligent, with my own unique personality… you know, all the usual nice stuff.  Here’s my problem… I think I’m turning un-gay.  Not STRAIGHT, mind you — I have no sexual attraction to women at all.  But I feel myself losing my attraction […]


Need Wood: You in Danger, Girl!

Hey Woody! I really enjoy anal sex and especially love being gang-banged.  Now a friend of mine says that overly active anal sex is one of the causes of rectal cancer in men.  Is there any merit to this or is it just another old gay myth?  I always play safe and I would hate […]


Need Wood: Come and Knock on Their Door…

Hey Woody! My partner of four years has started suggesting threesomes.  I’m acting shocked because we’re monogamous but I must admit I’ve had fantasies (including foursomes and fivesomes).  We talked about the rules.  He says no kissing, he only tops, and I can be a total slut while he enjoys watching.  He wants me to […]


Need Wood: Do I Need a Social Crutch

Hey Woody! I am disabled with a disease called fibromyalgia.  I am retired now– on disability, use crutches, and deal with some pretty wicked symptoms. I try to meet people either face-to-face or online.  I always make it clear that I am looking for a range of connections so if they don’t feel comfortable with […]


Need Wood: I Want to be in Movies!

Hey Woody! Your last column made my boyfriend and I realize we need to stretch the boundaries of our sex life, so we’ve decided to take your advice and do some role-playing in front of the video cam.  Thing is, you didn’t say anything about how to get started.  Any tips? –  Ready for my […]


Need Wood: Happy Sex-a-versary!

Hey Woody! Next month I’ll be celebrating an entire year of going out with the same guy and I want to plan something special for our “anniversary,” but I want it to be sexual.  Any ideas? –  Kickin’ the habit Dear Kickin’: I say re-enact the classic sex scene in the movie 9 1/2 Weeks.  […]