Need Wood?

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Need Wood? They’re Not Mud Puddles…But They’re Still Dirty!

 Hey, Woody! I’ve heard that p-rn stars take a supplement called lecithin to increase semen volume.   Does it really work? If not, is there anything else that will do the trick?  I want to leave puddles on my partner’s chests, not drops. —  Shooting for the sky Dear Shooting: You could c-m vats too […]

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Need Wood: Lati-No-You-Didn’t

Hey, Woody! Stop printing bigotry!  A few columns ago you offered advice to a guy who was into Latinos.  You said, and I quote, “Bottom Line: If you want more brown, get more white.”  Then you blatantly stated that there is a “social pecking order to desirable mates and whites are at the top of […]

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Need Wood: I’m going to be sick…

  Hey, Woody! I know you’re going to make fun of me when I ask this question.  It just goes to show you how desperate I am. I have desires that I’ve only recently owned up to.  I fantasize about them all the time but I’ve never acted on them for obvious reasons.  Here it […]

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Need Wood: Here She Is…Miss America?

Hey, Woody! Last week I caught my nine-year-old son masturbating while watching TV.   Now don’t laugh woody, but I was really upset because the station was tuned to the Miss America contest.  Both my lover and I want our son to turn out gay, not straight.  By and large, I think straight guys are prejudiced, […]

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Need Wood: Daddy’s Dressing Like Mommy

Hey, Woody! I’m a straight woman with a gay son.  I’ve read a couple of your columns and figured you might have an answer for a question I don’t know who to ask.  No, it’s not about my son; it’s about his father.  He likes to wear my bras, panties and dresses.  He only likes […]

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Need Wood: A Problem That’s Hard to Solve

Hey, Woody! My boyfriend has incredible stamina and he often remains hard after he’s orgasmed.  Because he often c-ms before I do I want him to stay inside me when he’s f–king me until I can c-m myself.   But he’s afraid that ejaculations can cause a condom to break so he pulIs out.  Now I […]

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Need Wood: Partying Without Tina

Hey, Woody! I had a horrible experience with a drug overdose at a party, complete with a near-death experience at an E.R. I don’t ever want to do drugs again but I sense I’m going to lose my friends if I announce that I’m off drugs forever, so I just tell them I’m taking a […]

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Need Wood: Look Ma, No Hands

Hey, Woody! One day I was staring at my balls after masturbating and realized they were moving by themselves.  At first I thought it was because I had just ejaculated, but they move by themselves whether I’ve masturbated or not.  Do they have a life of their own?  Why do they move? –  Movin’ on […]

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Need Wood: This Boy Isn’t a Bottom

Hey, Woody! Why does everybody think I’m a bottom?  The other night I got mistaken for a bottom by a bottom!  How embarrassing is that?  I’m talkative, opinionated and loud but people think I’m a bossy bottom instead of a raging top. Anyway, some magazine compiled a list about what tops should do to be […]

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Need Wood: A Current (and not-so-current) Affair

Hey Woody! I thought I had the perfect adulterous relationship but now I’m having an affair on my affair.  I did the right thing and told my old affair but he didn’t take it too well.  He threatened to tell my husband everything unless I dropped my new affair and continued with him.  How do […]