Need Wood?

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Need Wood: Fun-derwear!

  Hey Woody! Do you think the right underwear can get you laid?  I have a friend who has an unbelievable collection of “funderwear” and swears it’s like a pheromone for guys once he gets them in bed.  On the off chance he isn’t insane, what would you recommend I wear to turn guys on? […]

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Need Wood: If Heaven is for Real Then What About Hell?

  Hey, Woody! Just yesterday The Vatican defrocked its former ambassador to the Dominican Republic for child molestation charges. What’s your view on the still continuing scandals?  And since I know you’re going to be sacrilegious I have one other question:  If I read the things you write that will send you to hell will […]

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Need Wood? They’re Not Mud Puddles…But They’re Still Dirty!

 Hey, Woody! I’ve heard that p-rn stars take a supplement called lecithin to increase semen volume.   Does it really work? If not, is there anything else that will do the trick?  I want to leave puddles on my partner’s chests, not drops. —  Shooting for the sky Dear Shooting: You could c-m vats too […]

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Need Wood: Lati-No-You-Didn’t

Hey, Woody! Stop printing bigotry!  A few columns ago you offered advice to a guy who was into Latinos.  You said, and I quote, “Bottom Line: If you want more brown, get more white.”  Then you blatantly stated that there is a “social pecking order to desirable mates and whites are at the top of […]

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Need Wood: I’m going to be sick…

  Hey, Woody! I know you’re going to make fun of me when I ask this question.  It just goes to show you how desperate I am. I have desires that I’ve only recently owned up to.  I fantasize about them all the time but I’ve never acted on them for obvious reasons.  Here it […]

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Need Wood: Here She Is…Miss America?

Hey, Woody! Last week I caught my nine-year-old son masturbating while watching TV.   Now don’t laugh woody, but I was really upset because the station was tuned to the Miss America contest.  Both my lover and I want our son to turn out gay, not straight.  By and large, I think straight guys are prejudiced, […]

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Need Wood: Daddy’s Dressing Like Mommy

Hey, Woody! I’m a straight woman with a gay son.  I’ve read a couple of your columns and figured you might have an answer for a question I don’t know who to ask.  No, it’s not about my son; it’s about his father.  He likes to wear my bras, panties and dresses.  He only likes […]

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Need Wood: A Problem That’s Hard to Solve

Hey, Woody! My boyfriend has incredible stamina and he often remains hard after he’s orgasmed.  Because he often c-ms before I do I want him to stay inside me when he’s f–king me until I can c-m myself.   But he’s afraid that ejaculations can cause a condom to break so he pulIs out.  Now I […]

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Need Wood: Partying Without Tina

Hey, Woody! I had a horrible experience with a drug overdose at a party, complete with a near-death experience at an E.R. I don’t ever want to do drugs again but I sense I’m going to lose my friends if I announce that I’m off drugs forever, so I just tell them I’m taking a […]

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Need Wood: Look Ma, No Hands

Hey, Woody! One day I was staring at my balls after masturbating and realized they were moving by themselves.  At first I thought it was because I had just ejaculated, but they move by themselves whether I’ve masturbated or not.  Do they have a life of their own?  Why do they move? –  Movin’ on […]