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Written by Billy Masters
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"Get away from me. I'm still writing letters of apology from last year. Screw you. You're not sticking those jugs in my face again!" - Jerry Lewis avoids an embrace from Charo, who happened to be wearing fruit on her head during this year's MDA Telethon. Lewis is alluding to the spicy Spaniard's appearance last year where she sat on his lap during a rendition of Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop the Music."
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Written by Billy Masters
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"I really like you, Ryan. Don't listen to a thing she says." - Maggie Griffin expresses her devotion to Ryan Seacrest on the Emmy red carpet. Mags, are you trying to kill Kathy right there? Yeah, let's see if he springs for a box of wine and some Dixie cups!
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Written by Billy Masters
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"Darling, I'm afraid to tell you that you're full of garbage. That is an acting job!" - Whoopi Goldberg corrects Jake Pavelka when he says that "The Bachelor" was a reality show and not an acting job. He may be right - did you see him trying to act straight by hitting on Elizabeth Hasselback? Girl, please.
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Written by Billy Masters
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"They still don't understand why I didn't win. I go, 'Guys! Seriously?' They go, 'No, mommy. You were the best.' They still insist. That's love." - Kate Gosselin tells "Access Hollywood" how shocked her kids were when she didn't win "Dancing with the Stars." Apparently the delusional gene is hereditary.
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Written by Billy Masters
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"This is what I live for, so bring it. This is how I write my act." - Kathy Griffin answers Elisabeth Hasselbeck's question on whether the redhead worries about being a guest on "The View" after saying things about the show that are "a) untrue and b) not so funny." Of course, comedy is subjective and usually the targets are not laughing.
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Written by Billy Masters
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"I never really addressed those rumors 'cause I always figured why defend yourself against something that's not offensive."
- Johnny Galecki explains to the ladies of "The View" why he's never addressed the gay rumors. For the record, he's straight.
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Written by Billy Masters
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"I don't want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous. If we're naked in the scene, then I'm naked. I've always been that way. I've got nothing to hide." - Alexander Skarsgard tells "Rolling Stone" why he won't wear the traditional "sock" when doing nude scenes. So I guess I shouldn't have turned down that visit to the set of "True Blood."
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Written by Billy Masters
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"She thinks it would be a lovely home for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt." - Well-known "psychic" Kenny Kingston passes along a message from Marilyn Monroe regarding her Brentwood home. Frankly, I have trouble taking any message seriously from someone who looks that much like Rip Taylor!
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Written by Billy Masters
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"No one. They should all wait till I'm f---in' dead. I pass the mantle to no one. They'll have to rip it from my dead shoulders. I know - gracious till the end!" - Joan Rivers answers the question of who is the next "Joan Rivers." As if there could be another...
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Written by Billy Masters
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"I need a girlfriend. I'm looking for funny, someone who can deal with a busy schedule, which has been a problem in the past. Just a cool girl. I need someone to hang out with me." - Evan Lysacek tells RadarOnline what he's looking for in a girlfriend. Yeah, that's what straight guys always say they're looking for - a funny girl to hang out with. That's not a girlfriend, that's a fag hag (no offense).
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Written by Billy Masters
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"The grande dame of Broadway has entered the record books. Angela Lansbury received a Tony nomination for her work in "A Little Night Music."
This marks Angie's seventh nomination. Her five previous Tonys tie her with Julie Harris for most wins - fingers crossed. Let's also give a shout-out to our buddy Levi Kreis, who picked up a nomination for his portrayal of Jerry Lee Lewis in "Million Dollar Quartet." Congrats!
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