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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
My boyfriend suddenly seems distant in bed—like he's just going through the motions, if he goes through them at all. I'm so afraid that he's falling out of love with me. I know I should talk to him but he's not the talking kind and frankly, neither am I. Do you think his change in sexual behavior is a sign that he'll soon kick me to the curb?
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I recently signed up with a couple of hook-up sites after watching my roommate reelin' in so many hotties the odometer in his bed exploded. Me? Nothing. Haven't gotten laid since I got online. There are plenty of hot guys on the sites but I only get a fraction of the hits my roommate does. And you know what really chaps my ass? I'm better looking than him! I'm not bragging—it's the truth. So why does my roommate have so much better luck online than I do? Is it my profile? Are there profile 'musts' that I don't know about?
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I have so much better luck meeting guys online than offline that I've completely given up going to bars. I'm 48, very healthy, active, good looking and blessed to look 35. Here's my problem: When I put with my true age on my profile I get no responses. Absolutely zero. It doesn't matter if it's Manhunt (my favorite) or Gay.com (my least favorite) or all the other ones in between. If I lie and place the exact same words and pictures (only this time saying I'm 35), I get lots of responses. LOTS. It's the exact same me...only the real me gets zip and the dishonest me gets plenty...
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Written by Woody Miller
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Banish Fear of Rejection
Hey Woody,
I freeze whenever I'm around guys I want to meet. The thought of them looking for something better as I'm talking to them or excusing themselves from the conversation is too much to bear. My fear of getting ignored, or worse, mocked, pretty much guarantees that I never approach anyone remotely good looking. I operate under the philosophy that it's better to leave with my self-esteem intact than to take the chance that a hottie will crush it under his heel. Needless to say, my love life sucks. How do I turn this around?
- Fresh fear, never frozen.
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Written by Woody Miller
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How To Measure Your Hooha
Hey Woody,
When God handed out endowments I must have thought He was fundraising for a college and I took a pass. While I consider myself average, it seems almost everyone I sleep with is bigger than me. I know the average d*ck size is six inches but I've tricked with enough men to make an accurate and valid scientific study regarding erect penis sizes. And to me, the average Caucasian prick is more like 7". Would you say I'm incredibly lucky with the men who hop in bed with me?
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Written by Woody Miller
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Will Big Dongs Mean Diapers For Me?
Hey Woody,
Your advice on how to bottom without pain a while back was really good. In fact, too good. Now that I've learned how to do it without any pain, I've become a RAGING bottom. I love the way it feels and find myself cruising for hung guys to satisfy that deep-down big-d--k hunger. But I'm worried that I'm going to stretch myself out permanently and do real damage. Will I end up wearing Depends if I keep banging dudes with big dongs?
- Bottomless Pit
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I was on Manhunt, the hookup site, when I hit on a size queen. Please read my transcript - I've got some questions!
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I was at the bar over the weekend hawkin' on a hottie. I thought it was going great—the convo was flowing, he let me buy him some drinks, but closing time and no dice. Not even his digits. Later, a friend goes, "Are you kidding me? You couldn't tell he wasn't interested? Dude, his body language was saying "go away" from the moment you said hello!" So here's my question—what kind of body language signs should I look for?
-Shot Down
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Written by Woody Miller
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Controlling Sexual Anger
Hey Woody, Last month I met some flight attendant who regularly flies into my hometown. We had dinner and afterwards we go up to my place where things got hot and heavy. We're kissing, scratching tonsils with our tongues and our hands are all over each other. I make my move and I guess he gets insulted that I tried to board him without the proper ticketing or something. He was like, "I don't have sex on the first date." I'm thinking, "Who is this winged whore kidding? This is a hookup, not a date!" So I get forceful. I was like, "Nobody meets a stranger online without wanting sex, you fucking air mattress."
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Written by Woody Miller
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How Do I Get Clean Down There?
Hey Woody,
Whenever guys meet me, they always assume I'm a bottom. That wouldn't be a problem if I had not avoided anal sex all my life. I've played with dildos so it's not pain that scares me. It's, well, becoming "too relaxed" and having ...uhm... "uninvited guests." YIKES! How do those voracious bottoms do it? Their laundry bill must be staggering. I want to bottom but I'm scared. Should I douche before I go out in case I meet someone who thinks my name is Helium Heels?
- Bottom Wannabe
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Written by Woody Miller
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Cock Rings
Hey Woody,
I want to try a c*ck ring but I don't know what to buy or how to put it on. It's all so confusing. How do you decide between leather, metal, or Velcro? My c*ck is about six inches, so what size should I get? It's not like you can take a bunch of rings into a dressing room and try them on! Sorry for peppering you with all these questions but I'm too embarrassed to ask the clerks at the store!
- Cocky
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