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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
In a previous column you wrote about a study that hooked up the peckers of homophobes to a machine that measured blood flow when they watched gay porn. Really fascinating stuff. But I have another use for that machine. See, I have a lot of friends who claim they're bisexual. I'd love to hook them up to that machine, show them hetero porn and see what the peter meter says. Is it possible to buy one of those things?
- Buy-curious
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I know reading and giving body language has a lot to do with whether you're going to get, as you like to say, "you're prey," in the sack. But what kind of body language signs should I be using and looking for? It all seems so confusing.
- Body Stutterer
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
One day I was staring at my balls after I beat off and realized they were moving by themselves. At first I thought it was because I had just ejaculated, but they move whether I've masturbated or not. Do they have a life of their own? Why do they move?
- Movin' on up and down
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I love giving head to my boyfriend, but he's one of those guys that should have been born straight -- his room's a mess, he'll go a day or two without showering and he thinks being clean means not using drugs. The thing is, he's got the most beautiful d*ck I've ever seen and I'm obsessed with having it in my mouth. Yet the smell repulses me. Am I being unreasonable that he keeps himself clean? Or am I just spoiling the spontaneity by insisting that he shower first?
- Gagging for the wrong reason
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
I'm a woman who's read your book three times, working on a fourth. I love your style and your common sense attitudes toward health and insight into male minds. I'm writing because I am married to a man who I believe is gay. We've never had sex -- not before or after the wedding. Not even on the honeymoon night. From comments he's made and where his eyes wander, I believe he is attracted to men, not women. He makes constant references to cute men, tight asses, loving the way males look and feel, and so forth. I should have known -- all the signs were there -- but I liked him so much as a person and I was terribly lonely.
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
In a recent article you said that bareback topping is the #2 avenue for HIV infection, with bareback bottoming being #1. ? That statement concerns me. My physician is a prominent gay doctor and I am a personal friend with another physician. Both have told me the same thing: The chances of a bare backing (BB) top (strictly top, not one that bottoms occasionally) being infected with HIV from barebacking is equal to the risk of unprotected oral sex -- taking cum in the mouth and swallowing.
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey, Woody,
I love kissing. As far as I'm concerned if you're not a good kisser, you're not a good lay. Even when I watch porno, I notice I get extra hard when I see the on-screen studs kissing deeply. I've been dating this creamy guy for a few months, and to my shock and horror, he doesn't really like to kiss much. He's told me I'm the best kisser he's ever had but that he just doesn't get into it that much. What can I do to turn this around? He's perfect in every other way.
-Tonguing for more
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
Hotspots is a somewhat respectable publication. Your column however, seems to drag the whole thing down to the gutter. There are plenty of guys who do not have these bizarre, deranged sexual "problems." My boyfriend and I are the perfect example of this.All I'm saying is, please gain even the slightest bit of morals. It would give the publication that employs you, as well as the community, a bit more respectability.
- Sick of youDear Sick,
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
My partner keeps asking me what my sexual fantasies are, but I can't come up with any. He says I must have fantasies. Am I abnormal?
- Regular Joe
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
My boyfriend and I are planning a trip to spend time with our parents. It sounds pretty normal, but the thing of it is as soon as we get into bed I want to jump him like an animal. I don't know if it's the sneaking around or the "I'm so bad" part of doing it at our parents' house, but it has been the best sex we've ever had. My boyfriend's not as in to it as I am. I have actually had to force him to do it a couple times, but once he gets into it it's amazing. How can I get him past his inhibitions so we can get down to business?
- Father Complex
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Written by Woody Miller
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Hey Woody,
My boyfriend is so ashamed of his body we only make love in the dark, and only in the missionary position. How can I get him to be more adventurous without having him go on a diet? I don't like these skinny bitches I see flouncing around the park. I like a little junk in the trunk!
- Wanting more
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