I love sex and sometimes have it two or three times a day (either by masturbating, going to sex clubs, baths or bars). Yes, I’m a skanky whore, I admit it. Well, I don’t know about the skanky part, but I do like dick and want it as often as possible. My question: What’s the difference between having a really high sex drive (and doing something about it) and being a sex addict?
Whores and sex addicts may share the same “drug” (dick) but they have completely different experiences with it. Addicts suffer negative consequences from their behavior. Whores don’t. Well, except for the occasional penicillin shot. For example, whores like you stop when sex creates problems in other areas of their lives. Addicts don’t. Tramps like you can stop if they choose. Addicts can’t. Trash like you don’t get into financial trouble chasing after dick. Sex addicts do.
Most people think if they have “x” number of tricks or masturbate “x” number of times they cross the threshold from having a high sex drive to being a helpless sex addict.
Sex addiction Guru Patrick Carnes (great book—Out of the Shadows) addressed the idea of equating sex addiction to an arbitrary number in an interview with Esquire a while back. He said, “That’s like asking how many drinks make an alcoholic." The difference isn’t in the number but in the consequences. Whores like you can have a trick every other night without endangering their jobs, relationships, or financial stability. Sex addicts can have half the tricks and double the trouble. Again, the difference isn’t the amount of dick you’re having but the amount of trouble it’s causing.
I have been with my boyfriend for six years but we haven’t made love for the last two of those. He says he’s still attracted to me, and is okay physically, but mentally, he just can’t get in ‘that place’. What can I do? I’m climbing walls over here!
He probably can’t get into “that place” because he’s too busy getting into his other boyfriend’s place. Come on, man, wake up! You haven’t had sex for two years? He’s either having an affair or he’s gone into the dreaded “I love him, but I don’t want to have sex with him” zone.
But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. There are two other possibilities: He’s got a physical condition so bad it’s shutting down his libido or your sex life is so boring it’s keeping his pants zipped.
Either way, it’s time to take action. Start by eliminating physical or medical problems. Is he on anti-depressants? They’re notorious for turning men into sexual camels. You know, the kinds that go great lengths of time without sex. Ask the doctor to check his testosterone. After 40, a man’s testosterone level starts to drop by as much as 15% a decade. Have him tested for diabetes and other conditions known to cause impotence. Does he smoke or drink? Both constrict blood vessels, making it more difficult to keep up the hard work.
If he checks out okay, if he’s not having an affair, if he won’t sit down and talk it out, and if he’s still in love with you (Damn, that’s a lot of “ifs!”) then I suggest you make an appointment with a sex therapist. Two years is two years too long to go without sex. You deserve better than that. If he refuses to get help you’ve got a decision to make: Do you want to take a vow of chastity or break your vow of “marriage”?
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