May 1st 2008

Crop Circles!
Last July, some prankster teens created a 60-foot “sculpture” on the lawn of the Governor’s mansion in Boise, Idaho with weed killer and workers have not found a way to take care of it: “The area was recently replanted with grass seedlings and covered with straw. A previous attempt by landscapers to obliterate the image only enhanced it with a dark green outline, after which it was covered with a bright blue tarpaulin for several weeks.” The irony is this is the state where toe-tapping Senator Larry Craig is from. However, there is no truth to the rumor, which I started, that Larry will next be running for governor so that he can take care of the situation personall

Seven Kinds of Sex!
Results of recent research shows that there are seven kinds of sex:
•Smurf Sex - This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
•Kitchen Sex - This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
•Bedroom Sex - This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
•Hallway Sex - This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, “Screw you.”
•Religious Sex - Which means you get “nun” in the morning, “nun” in the afternoon and “nun” at night. Very popular.
•Courtroom Sex - This is when you cannot stand your partner anymore and you are taken to court and he yells, “Screw you!” in front of everyone.
•Social Security Sex - You get a little each month but not enough to enjoy yourself.
Get Off, Stay Healthy!
And if you answer “none-of-the-above” to the seven kinds of sex mentioned above, then perhaps your answer (I know mine is) may be “Self-Sex”. Long-gone myths like “it will make you go blind” or “it will give you hairy palms” has given way to a health benefit. An Australian study has shown that frequent masturbation may reduce your risk of prostate cancer. The research team, headed by Graham Giles of The Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, asked 1079 men with prostate cancer to fill in a questionnaire detailing their sexual habits and compared their responses with those of 1259 healthy men of the same age. The team concluded that the more men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50 the less likely they are to develop prostate cancer. “The protective effect is greatest while men are in their twenties: those who had ejaculated more than five times per week in their twenties, for instance, were one-third less likely to develop aggressive prostate cancer later in life,” said their final results.

What the Hell Was He Thinking?!
CNN reporter Richard Quest was arrested in New York’s Central Park. According to the New York Post, Quest was busted with “some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said... Quest was initially busted for loitering, the source said. Aside from the oddly configured rope, the search also turned up a sex toy inside of his boot, and a small bag of methamphetamine in his left jacket pocket. It wasn't immediately clear what the rope was for.”y.

Stupid, Stupid Me!
I thought Americans were interested in the health care crisis in this country. I thought Americans were interested in $4/gallon gas prices. I thought Americans were interested in our troops being killed in a war that appears to have no end. Apparently I was wrong. If the last debate between Clinton and Obama is any indication, the American public is interested in lapel pins, flag waving and who your minister is. With the state that this country is in right now, it amazes me that that ABC spent their time asking questions about lapel pins. Obama has said, after 21 debates against Hillary, that he’s not interested in doing any more.)

Former Reagan Aid Against “Don't Ask, Don't Tell”!
… And not the way you think. Former Reagan Assistant Defense Secretary Lawrence J. Korb says that the military's “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy concerning gays in the military is hurting the military’s efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan and should be cancelled, allowing gays to openly serve their country. “The Army and Marine Corps cannot afford to place unnecessary obstacles in the way of qualified men and women who want to serve. Over the past 10 years more than 10,000 personnel have been discharged as a result of [’Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’], including 800 with skills deemed ‘mission critical,’ such as pilots, combat engineers, and linguists,” said Lawrence Korb.

Luke McFarland's: “I Am Gay!”
In an interview with Canada’s Globe & Mail, actor and star of the television show “Brothers and Sister” has come out of the closet, ending months of speculation about his relationship with openly-out (well, forced out) actor T.R. Knight. According to the Globe & Mail, “Though no secret to his family and close friends, Macfarlane has, until now, been guarded about his personal life as a gay man. Over lunch in Los Angeles, where he lives, he initially insists that he has no concerns about his public revelation - but a few seconds later he is shifting nervously in his chair, and concedes that he is ‘terrified.’”