LITTLE BLUE PILL OR BIG GREEN BERRY?!
Researchers right before July 4th revealed that watermelon has the same effect that Viagra has on the male private parts. According to them, watermelon produces the same enzymes that relieve the pressure on the blood vessels that Viagra does; however, it takes six cups of watermelon to equal one Viagra tablet. I bet there were a lot of horny guys running around their holiday picnics wondering what was going on with those unusually large packages stuffed in their Speedos! Please consult your physician, or at least your boyfriend, before trying this at home.
OUR GOVERNOR TO MARRY HIS BEARD!
Wow, what a coincidence and just in the nick of time! Just when we were afraid that our governor, Charlie Crist, would not become Senator John McSame’s vice-presidential nominee because he is single and has been for almost 30 years, now our 51 year-old governor is engaged to get married — to a woman! Hurrah! If memory serves, and I’m sure it does, wasn’t Crist suddenly engaged when he was running for governor? In fact, Crist’s own father says that Chuck has been engaged three times before. I wonder if the engagements were always around election time also. This will be Crist’s second marriage: he was married once before, almost 30 years ago and only for six months. So all you naysayers out there that feel that a single man who is obsessed with his hair and great tan, who frequents gay bars and is impeccably dressed is a homosexual, you were totally wrong. We should thank our governor for honoring the sanctity of marriage by keeping his marriage between a man and a woman and not a meaningless sham gay marriage between two men.
WHEN YOU CAN’T WIN ON THE REAL ISSUES!
Let’s see, John McSame is loosing on the issue of a better economy because he’s following Bush’s failed policies. McSame is also loosing on the topic of Iraq because he’s supporting the tried and failed policies of Bush. So how does McSame plan to win if all he offers is more of the … same? Fred Barnes, Editor of The Weekly Standard, went on Faux News Network to give McSame some winning campaign advice: “In particular, gays in the military for one. We know Barack Obama is for allowing gays in the military, and Bill Clinton tried to do, but backed off. This is not a popular issue. Gay marriage is another one. These are both issues that I think McCain’s going to have to use. You can’t ignore the right. If he does, he’ll lose.”
SENATOR JESSE HELMS DROPS DEAD!
Former Senator Jesse Helms from North Carolina is finally keeping good company, having joined Reverend D. James Kennedy and Reverend Jerry Falwell in the afterlife. The country's most hateful politician ever dropped dead at the age of 86 on July 4th. Here are some of this Reicht-winger’s most memorable quotes: “Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here [North Carolina]. He’d better have a bodyguard.” “It’s their [gays with AIDS] deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct that is responsible for the disease” “I’ve been portrayed as a caveman by some. That’s not true. I’m a conservative progressive and that means I think all men are equal, be they slants, beaners or n****s.” Helms was a former member of the Ku Klux Klan (like you couldn’t tell) and became known in North Carolina as a news commentator on a local television station prior to getting elected to the Senate.
I BET ECONOMICS WASN’T THE ONLY THING THAT TRICKLED-DOWN!
According to U.S. Newswire, the biggest beneficiary of Bush’s recent economic stimulus plan checks was not Whirlpool or General Motors or even Target, but the online porn sites. An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans' mailboxes across the country. According to AIMRCo, “Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market.” I wonder if this is what Bush had in mind when he proposed the tax give-back.
WHERE’S THE “GET-HO” IN THE GHETTO?!
GayRealEstate.com has released their Gay Ghetto Top 10 list for 2008 and here it is along with their reasoning: 3-way tie for 8th place: Austin, TX (a long-reputation for gay-friendliness), Chicago, IL (abundant and accessible green space), Palm Springs, CA (well located between Las Vegas and Los Angeles); 6th place 2-way tie Dallas, TX (young population and steady economy) and Short Hills/Metuchen, NJ (historical beauty); 2-way tie for 4th place Raleigh, NC (occupies one section of the region's Research Triangle) and Tampa/St. Pete, FL (300 days of sunshine each year); 3rd place Charlotte, NC (largest banking center in the region); and tied for the first as the top-10 gay ghettos, Portland, OR (thriving arts scene) and … now get this … Atlanta, GA (reigns as the south’s GLBT capital). Conspicuously missing from this list is the Ft. Lauderdale/Wilton Manors/Oakland Park section of South Florida. I guess having the largest gay populations per capita and super-gay-friendly government and business environments has nothing to do with this trash of a top-ten list. GayRealEstate.com, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
