I am so glad to have my writers back. They are the best writers in the world and I couldn’t do a thing without them. They are my heaven and earth and they deserve only the best. I would not trade them for anything else in the world. Of course, these statements were written for me by my writers because I can’t get along without them.
Shake That Gay Bootie!
America’s number one, unofficial gay network, Bravo will be adding another gay-heavy show to their weekly lineup. The new show, “Step it Up & Dance” will feature gay dancers competing for the prize. Few details of the show have been released so far, but Bravo has a long history of gay-attracting show. Bravo’s first show that tipped their toe into the gay arena was “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and put Bravo on the lavender map. The network became so popular that NBC bought Bravo. Since then they have added “Project Runway” and “Top Chef”, among others and is currently running “Make Me a Supermodel”.
Polaroid: “Bye-Bye-Bye”!
Polaroid, which made its name in the “instant photography” market, has decided to pull the plug on its line of self-developing photographs and cameras. I was big Polaroid fan and I hate to see the “60-second disappointment” film fade into history but it’s long-due in this age of digital photography. It wasn’t too many years ago when, if your wanted to take “dirty pictures”, you had to use a Polaroid. Now, digital cameras have made “dirty pictures” as commonplace as sunshine and much cheaper. The average Polaroid print cost $1 each in the ‘60s and remains about $1 a print today. Polaroid successfully fought off Kodak's short-lived foray into the “instant camera” market back in the ‘70s but couldn’t compete digitally.
“Get Over It!”
Jimmy Kimmel recently surprised guest Lance Bass with his gay confession cover of People magazine but lamented that he did not get the same coverage that Lance Bass did. He then held up the cover for the cameras. (I bet he’s glad he’s got his comedy writers back.) Lance then explained how his life has changed for the better since his coming out. In a related development, “Torchwood” star, John Barrowman will appear on billboards in Scotland proclaiming, “Some People are Gay. Get Over It!” Though recently coming out in public, in an interview in the current issue of UK’s Bent magazine, Barrowman said, “My nieces and nephews have known I was gay since they were born. It’s always been Uncle John and Uncle Scott and that’s the way it should be. I’ve worked a lot with kids and kids don’t care, they are open to stuff. At a [poster] signing a father asked his five year old son if he wanted my autograph and he said ‘yeah, I don't care if he likes men, he’s still my hero’.”
Photo of Bashed Couple Wins Award!
A photograph of a gay couple in Hungary immediately after the couple was gay-bashed took second place in the recent World Photo Press contest. There were more than 80,500 entries into to the contest worldwide. The photograph was taken by Zsolt Szigetváry and shows the couple sitting on a curb waiting for medical help after the beating in Budapest. I wonder if a photo of a gay couple in a loving embrace would have attracted as much attention as a gay bashing does.
10 Reasons Gay Marriage Should Stay Illegal!
I wrote a Valentine’s Day feature a few weeks ago on gay marriage. I have since found these ten compelling reasons why gay marriage should remain illegal:
1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like plastic, artificial sweeteners and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets. (Because a dog has as much legal standing as a gay spouse.)
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by the state religion. In a theocracy like ours, Christian values are imposed on the entire country. What non-Christians believe is irrelevant.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, racial equality, the service-sector economy or longer life spans.
Big Boobs & Bad Back!
Doctors ordered country singing sensation, Dolly Parton to cancel her tour and stay in bed for six to eight weeks because of back problems. The cause of the back problems was what many think are her breast assets — I mean, “best” assets — her big boobs. In a statement she released, she said, “Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don’t have back problems.” I wonder if this means that a guy with a really large dong would end up having a pain in the ass. Maybe I should do some research on this subject.
