In Issue 12
“Why do people want to be on MyFace?” Barbara Walters asks the question which has been on all of our minds. Joy’s quick retort? “Do they really want to be on your face, Barbara?”
It’s been a long time, Florida, but your prodigal son, Billy Masters, has returned and, happily, to the bosom of Hotspots. I promise to never leave you again, and to always bring you the best filth that’s fit to print (and, perhaps, some things that aren’t so fit). Let the dishing begin.
We hear Jesse Metcalfe will soon make an appearance on “Desperate Housewives.” Don’t get too excited – he only filmed one short scene. Photos of Metcalfe headed to the set with a mighty slim script were captured by the paparazzi and are on our site.
Let’s move onto something really important, like “Dancing with the Stars.” We’ve all heard about Jewel’s and Nancy O’Dell’s injuries. Another contestant, sexy Gilles Marini, was rushed to the doctor after an injury which he described as “like a knife next to your thing” – and I think we all know what “thing” he’s referring to (the quite large one you can see on BillyMasters.com). Turns out he pulled his groin. I pulled a groin once, but that’s another story. Have no fear – Marini ain’t quitting. In fact, he’s planning on wearing the skimpiest costume ever. “It’s tight. I’m going to have to tape my thing close to my thigh so it won’t show.” There’s that thing again!
Is Jodie Foster going to be on a reality show? Kinda. She was recently caught by the Beverly Hills Police doing 54 miles per hour in a 35 zone. She didn’t particularly mind being pulled over, but she allegedly freaked out when she came face-to-face with television cameras filming a new reality show “Speeders”! Jodie refused to sign the waiver, which means the footage can’t be used. Damn.
Sherri Shepherd is one of my best friends, and she’s been an awfully busy gal. In addition to her daily gig on “The View,” she pops up occasionally on “30 Rock” as Tracy Morgan’s wife. She also makes films during her down time (including the acclaimed “Precious,” which just won the audience award at Sundance). Now she’s developed a sitcom for Lifetime based on life since her divorce and will be shooting the pilot any day now. Congrats, honey.
Another funny friend is Kathy Griffin, who is headed to Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater on March 21st, and she definitely ain’t D-List anymore. The funny fag hag just signed a $2 million deal to write her memoirs for Random House. As I’ve often said, being bitch pays!
Our very own über-producers, Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, have selected their next film musical – an updated version of “DamnYankees.” They’ve lined up their stars – Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal. Needless to say, Carrey will play the Devil, and Jake will take on the hunky ballplayer. No word on who will play Lola, but I’m available.
This week’s “Ask Billy” question is from Roger in West Palm Beach: “I cried during Dustin Lance Black’s Oscar acceptance speech. Does he have a boyfriend? He’s so cute and looks like he has a nice body!”
To the best of my knowledge, Lance (he goes by his middle name) is single – proving that cute, talented and successful doesn’t necessarily lead to a robust romantic life (ain’t that the truth). I can confirm that underneath that tux he has quite a rockin’ bod – as the kids would say. Apparently, a photo of a topless Lance that auteur Gus Van Sant took during the filming of “Milk” is wending its way through the Web. It landed right in our waiting lap and can be found on BillyMasters.com. Definitely worth a look (or two).
Could it be that a certain bearded lady is sporting a bit of stubble? So say sources close to the buoyant babe who tell me that she’s moved on from her messy marital machinations by stepping out with a well-known gay blade who’s dated his share of Sapphic senoritas. When the pretty palomino began showing off her legal eagle stud to friends, they warned the dazed ditz that she’s repeating her past mistakes. She simply laughed and says, “Don’t you think I’d know if he was gay?” Umm…NO!
When I’m using the words slim and Jesse Metcalfe in the same sentence, it’s time to end yet another column (oh, Miss Metcalfe is quite busty these days). For more inside dish, check out BillyMasters.com on a regular basis – you never know when I’ll shake things up.