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New Year’s Sex Jokes


 

Dear Readers,

 

The recession is so bad even sex asked for a government bailout. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to give sex something to smile about: the best jokes about it. Here are the funniest sex and relationship jokes I’ve heard in the last twelve months. Enjoy! And may the New Year recession-proof your bedroom…

 

wood3 


 

Dear Readers,

 

The recession is so bad even sex asked for a government bailout. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to give sex something to smile about: the best jokes about it. Here are the funniest sex and relationship jokes I’ve heard in the last twelve months. Enjoy! And may the New Year recession-proof your bedroom…

 

 

THE GOOD


 

A white-collar guy goes to jail for embezzlement, afraid of what he’s heard. Sure enough, his cellmate is the biggest, meanest guy he’s ever seen. When lights go out the guy says, “You want to play the husband or the wife?” The white-collar guy thinks and says, “The husband.” His cellmate says, “Then come over here and suck your wife’s d*ck.”

 

THE BETTER

 

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Father.'”

 

The second one chirps up, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Your Grace.'”

 

The third Catholic lady says smugly, “My son is a cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Your Eminence.'”

 

The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, “Well…?” She replies, “My son is a 6′ 2”, hard-bodied stripper and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Oh, my God!’”

 

THE BEST

 

One day in the future, Rush Limbaugh has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. Believe it or not, I’ve got some folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

 

Limbaugh thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing over and over again. Such was his fate in hell. “No,” Rush said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

 

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. “No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I’d be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” said Rush.

 

The devil opened a third door. In it, Rush saw Tiger Woods, lying on the floor with his arms tied behind his head and his legs in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was a line of women—none his wife—servicing him from head to toe. Rush looked in disbelief and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.” The devil smiled and said, “OK, ladies, you’re free to go.”

 

Half the guys you like are turned off by your body language. Turn them on with the secrets in woody’s new ebook, “ATTRACT HOTTER GUYS with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language.” Available at MikeAlvear.com/ebook

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