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“With all due respect to Rupert, you can blame a lack of advancement in your career on all kinds of things, for a myriad of reasons. So I don’t think he can specifically pinpoint one reason why something might be stalling for him.”


– Neil Patrick Harris gives his impressions on Rupert Everett’s lack of professional opportunities – and for years you people thought it was just me!

 

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hollywood1“With all due respect to Rupert, you can blame a lack of advancement in your career on all kinds of things, for a myriad of reasons. So I don’t think he can specifically pinpoint one reason why something might be  stalling for him.” – Neil Patrick Harris gives his impressions on Rupert Everett’s lack of professional opportunities – and for years you people thought it was just me!

 

Dying is easy, comedy is hard. Truer words were never uttered and certainly this resonates with Ryan Seacrest, a man who knows precious little about utters. The diminutive “American Idol” host had what some might call an “off night”: odd quips with Adam Lambert, questionable dancing with a guy in the audience and all the energy of an inmate with a 24-hour furlough. Still, he opted to go forward with a joke (one of the rare, pre-scripted ones) claiming that season one co-host Brian Dunkleman would participate in “Idol Gives Back.” Seacrest thought it would get a laugh, but what it got was applause – people were happy to hear Dunkleman was returning! When Ryan said it was a joke…silence. First rule of comedy: know your audience.

Jeffrey Sanker sure knows how to throw a party. As a White Party virgin (yes, my darlings, a virgin), I was not exactly sure what to expect. With such an ambitious and seemingly unwieldy schedule of events, chaos would undoubtedly ensue. But that was not the case at the 21st installment of this annual Palm Springs shindig. Even with new venues and expanded events, the whole experience ran like a well-oiled machine. That kind of organization has to start from the top, and the top in question (at least figuratively speaking) is Sanker himself.

My weekend duties were confined to meeting and greeting luminaries and hotties on Saturday’s White Carpet alongside the snappy and sexy Candis Cayne. The big name was Kim Zolciak from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” When she and fellow housewife Kandi arrived, the Bravo crew was with them. Kim was fun and nice, but appeared annoyed when I asked her about all of the hoopla surrounding her revelation about a relationship with DJ extraordinaire Tracy Young. Kim rolled her eyes, as if shocked that I’d bring up a story she made public. I said we didn’t have to talk about it. Well, if there’s one thing that bothered her more than my wanting to talk about it, it was my eagerness to NOT talk about it! I realized this gal knows exactly what she’s doing.

The eye-rolling, the feigned shock, it’s all part of her shtick. I can respect that because she pulls it off (except with moi, of course). Only days after I cavorted with porn’s dynamic duo Aden and Jordan Jaric at the White Party, the committed and monogamous Falcon couple announced they are kaput. Both changed their Facebook status to single – which is akin to sending out a press release these days.

Melissa Etheridge and the former Tammy Lynn Michaels have also separated. Rumors state that the split occurred when Tammy discovered Etheridge was cheating on her. Intriguingly, Melissa has intimated that her relationship with Julie Cypher ended when Julie had an affair with kd lang. See? It’s not just gay men who are horny. Then there’s the Larry King break-up. If there’s anything I love more than a celebrity sex scandal, it’s when someone who is dead from the waist down is sleeping with his wife’s sister while the wife is sleeping with the children’s baseball coach and saying not to worry about her husband – “He’ll be dead soon.” It’s like an embarrassment of riches – and I don’t embarrass easily!

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Chris in Hawaii: “I’m a student at the University of Hawaii and one of my classmates has been posting photos and videos of himself going all over campus (including classrooms) and taking videos jerking off and posting them online. I know the school was considering throwing him out, but I never heard what happened. Now one of my friends tells me the guy got a gay porn deal. Can you find out the details?”

The alleged “Speedo Student” is a 22-year-old senior at the University of Hawaii in Manoa named Tim. He’s a history major and has been going into classrooms after hours to take nude photos and jerk-off videos. Now, I will add that he claims to always clean up after himself – although there are some suspect stains in the photos we have. Tim considers this “exhibitionism” – but is it really exhibitionism if no one is there? Show me a video of him jerking off in front of a calculus class and maybe I’ll be impressed.  What the controversy did was get Tim a gay porn deal. Last week he shot his first DVD for Dink Flamingo. He was flown to San Diego and shot four scenes – two jerk-off scenes and two hardcore scenes. Tim’s partners were Kaden Saylor and a newer model named Shawn. Not surprisingly, Tim bottomed for both. During his scene with
Shawn, he says, “Now I know what it feels like to have an 8-inch c–k stuck into me…yikes! I’m told it was entertaining to watch though.” A star is born! Of Kaden he says, “I did enjoy him f—ing me more, because his smaller c–k was better suited to my smaller body.” I’m sure he meant that as a compliment! Until the videos are available on ActiveDuty.com, I’ll run some choice footage and stills on BillyMasters.com

When Idol’s giving back to everyone except Dunkleman, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Once again, I have more stories than I can fit into the confines of this column – at least in print. The solution?

Check out BillyMasters.com for all the dish that’s not necessarily fit to print. If you’ve got a question, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Speedo Student goes for his Master’s in Sex Ed! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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