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“I need a girlfriend. I’m looking for funny, someone who can deal with a busy schedule, which has been a problem in the past. Just a cool girl. I need someone to hang out with me.” – Evan Lysacek tells RadarOnline what he’s looking for in a girlfriend. Yeah, that’s what straight guys always say they’re looking for – a funny girl to hang out with. That’s not a girlfriend, that’s a fag hag (no offense).

 

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hollywood1“I need a girlfriend. I’m looking for funny, someone who can deal with a busy schedule, which has been a problem in the past. Just a cool girl. I need someone to hang out with me.” – Evan Lysacek tells RadarOnline what he’s looking for in a girlfriend. Yeah, that’s what straight guys always say they’re looking for – a funny girl to hang out with. That’s not a girlfriend, that’s a fag hag (no offense).

I’m in my local Store 24, minding my own business, when BAM, I see the following headline: “Fergie Slept With Rich Men For Ca$h.” So, I immediately think they’re talking about that Fergie bitch from the Black Eyed Peas. But, no – this is Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York. Admittedly, I wasn’t reading a headline off “The Wall Street Journal.” It was “The Globe” tabloid – but still… The story goes on to say that she got $450,000 from two oil tycoons. I’d be happy getting cab fare from a gas station attendant, but that’s just me.

Not to be outdone, “The National Enquirer” had their own eye-catching headline – “007 Is Gay!” Fool me once, shame on you. Make me pay for a tabloid, shame on me! I assume this one was about one of those lesser 007s – like George Lazenby – but no, this story is about Daniel Craig – the current James Bond. Allegedly someone saw him kissing a good-looking man outside a gay bar in Venice, California. While the “eyewitness” does say he observed the couple from across a parking lot, he recalls a startling amount of details for someone trying to parallel park: “It was an open-mouth passionate French kiss. In fact, Daniel held the guy’s head in his hands and pulled him in for the kiss.” Who the hell was this witness? Jackie Collins? A second source corroborated the story and says once inside the club the guys were dancing! I’m shocked. Dancing? In Venice? And yet Mr. Craig and his longtime girlfriend, Satsuki Mitchell, just purchased a one-bedroom penthouse in NYC. How do these two items fit together? Ironically, the real estate agent who sold Danny the place happens to be former porn star Tag Eriksson. The shocking part of this story is that Tag got a commission on a $1.9 million deal!

Something not shocking to anyone who reads this column with any regularity is the news that Fran Drescher’s ex-husband is gay. You also wouldn’t be shocked to know he is one of the nicest and most gorgeous men on the planet. After all, I’m friends with Peter Marc Jacobson and have written about his and Fran’s wonderful work on behalf of gay marriage. But since Drescher disclosed it to “In Touch” magazine, it’s now newsworthy. Fran admits one amusing tidbit: “We have even fixed each other up! I more successfully than him, by the way.”

If there’s one thing you know about me, it’s that I’m not shy. And, it’s paid off for me on numerous occasions. Alas, the same cannot be said for Gabourey Sidibe. The “Precious” star admits to brazenly pursuing many of the sexy men she’s encountered. When she met Jason Lewis from “Sex and the City” she opened with, “Hi, you are hot. What’s up with that? Take down these digits.” She readily admits that the four minutes of badgering didn’t pay off: “I’m sure I scared him off a little bit. I can be quite aggressive. It hasn’t slowed me down though.” In fact, she spent eight minutes trying to lure Orlando Bloom away from his girlfriend, Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr. And he wasn’t tempted?

Gaby may wanna check out Bradley Cooper. While many things about Bradley Cooper may be open to speculation, there’s no denying his beauteous bod. You look at him and say, “Now that’s a hot guy.” You know who else says that? Bradley! In an interview with “Details” magazine, he talks about the first time he saw his upcoming “A-Team” flick: “I swear to God, it looked like my head was digitally superimposed onto someone else’s body. I was like, ‘This cannot be me – that’s the way I look?’ It was so f–king surreal, because as a kid I only fantasized about looking that way. Remember Soloflex commercials? That was huge when I was a kid. It was like, ‘I wanna be the Soloflex guy. Mom, can we get the Soloflex?” Hmmm – he fantasized about Scott Madsen, the Soloflex guy? SHOCKING! I, too, asked my Mom a similar question. But I didn’t want the Soloflex…I wanted Scott.

Bradley wasn’t always masculine. When he was younger, he was often mistaken for a girl! He says, “I was in a coffee shop once and the waitress was like, ‘What do you want, Miss?’ I was 10 or 11 – the worst age to have that happen.” Not the worst. I can’t tell you how many times a phone operator has called me “Ma’am”!

Our “Ask Billy” question come from Sam in Orlando, FL: “What do you know about Ronnie Kroell, the openly gay guy from the first season of ‘Make Me a Supermodel’? I heard he was gonna do porn or something?”

Yes to the “or something” part. The sexy runner-up is the centerfold in the upcoming print edition of “Playgirl.” In an unprecedented turn, the publishers gave Ronnie full creative control over the shoot – he picked the photographer, stylist, etc. – so if you don’t like ’em, the buck stops there. Needless to say, there’s lots of interest in these nude photos. But where can you see ’em first? At BillyMasters.com, of course. Let’s just say he’s, um, “impressive” – to say the least. You can also see Ronnie in person at a variety of pride celebrations around the country, – including Chicago June 24-29 and Cincinnati July 3-4. I’m told that 50% of the money he raises selling autographed copies of “Playgirl” will be donated to various local gay charities. Bravo.

When buying “Playgirl” is helping gay marriage, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Before we sign off, let’s take a moment and remember the fabulous Rue McClanahan – thank you for being a friend. It’s almost sacrilegious to remind you of all the salacious and sexy stuff on BillyMasters.com, but that’s my job. If you’ve got a question, e-mail me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Bradley sends himself a fan letter! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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