“No one. They should all wait till I’m f—in’ dead. I pass the mantle to no one. They’ll have to rip it from my dead shoulders. I know – gracious till the end!” – Joan Rivers answers the question of who is the next “Joan Rivers.” As if there could be another…





hollywood1“No one. They should all wait till I’m f—in’ dead. I pass the mantle to no one. They’ll have to rip it from my dead shoulders. I know – gracious till the end!” – Joan Rivers answers the question of who is the next “Joan Rivers.” As if there could be another…

Joan Rivers caused a bit of controversy when “The Advocate” asked her if young gay performers should keep their sexuality a secret. “It’s part of the game. If you’re going to be a romantic idol and try to get every teenage girl to love you, then you’d be an ass to come out and say you’re gay. Ricky Martin was so smart. He did what he did, made his millions and then he said, ‘Guess what, everybody? I’m gay.’ It didn’t matter anymore because he didn’t have to bring in 16-year-old girls.” For some reason, people have taken Joan to task for basically stating the truth. It’s something women have dealt with for years. Tell me that a woman who is up for a big job that requires lots of travel and powerful negotiations is going to have the same chance of landing that job if she tells the employer that she’s pregnant. Not gonna happen. I know you hate it when I say this, but its show BUSINESS.

By the way, Joan makes it very clear that she’s only talking about romantic leads. Comics and character actors don’t have these problems. “No single guy ever had Ellen DeGeneres’ or Rosie O’Donnell’s picture up on the wall and thought, ‘Maybe one day I’ll meet her and she’ll marry me.'” That may be true, but I’m sure a few flannel-wearing truckers with names like Marge and Gert did!

During an interview with “Upscale Magazine,” Queen Latifah was put in the hot seat when it was queried that she could end all speculation about her sexuality by openly discussing it. Latifah didn’t bite: “I don’t have to explain anything. I don’t have to confirm anything. Look, I need my time. I need my life.” She also said that her life is an open book to people close to her. “I don’t have to tell Joe Blow. Joe, you worry about who YOU are sleeping with!”

Someone started a Facebook campaign to get Leslie Jordan on “Dancing with the Stars.” Hey, it worked for Betty White and Leslie is far more feminine and genteel. I called him up to ask if he knew about this. “Of course – I’m thrilled. It would be a dream come true. I was told in the one dancing class I took as a child, ‘Mr. Jordan, you must remember that the young lady is the picture, you are but the frame. Well, I want to go on DWTS and be the picture, not the damn frame!” Take that! I’ll link to the campaign on my website.

Deborah Gibson and Tiffany are teaming up and this isn’t the first time. Four years ago, I hosted back-to-back concerts by both gals at LA Pride. This time, they’re actually working together – in an original movie for the SyFy network. Our ’80s pop princesses are co-starring in “Mega Python vs. Gatoroid.” Why, I can almost hear the theme song now! Deb plays an animal rights activist who frees snakes from pet stores and lets them grow to monstrous sizes in the Everglades. Tiff is a park ranger trying to save endangered alligators. And, as they say, “hilarity ensues.” The ladies have a fight scene in a swamp that sounds like a cross between Joan Collins’ climactic moment in “Empire of the Ants” and her “Dynasty” fight in the lily pond with Linda Evans! They’re going into this project with the right attitude. Tiffany said, “Only in my dreams have I been able to have a catfight with Debbie Gibson…until now! This is so MEGA cool!”

This leads perfectly into a story about Adrienne Barbeau. After all, back in 1982 she was the romantic lead in “Swamp Thing.” Adrienne has joined the cast of “General Hospital” – a soap that enjoys bringing in “name” actors. Barbeau plays a tough cookie named Suzanna Stanwyck (no relation to Barbara, I’m sure) who runs a charity for children in Italy. Does this mean Adrienne gets to sport an accent? I can dream, can’t I?

Our “Ask Billy” question is from Ronald in Salt Lake City: “I just saw ‘A Single Man’ and fell in love with the guy who played Colin Firth’s student. What do you know about him? Is he gay? Do you have nude photos of him? And what was he doing wearing an angora sweater?”

All very good questions. I’ll start with the important one – I have no clue why Nicholas Hoult was wearing that angora sweater. It certainly seemed a curious choice to me. But who am I to question Tom Ford? Speaking of Mr. Ford, he hired the sexy 21-year-old to model his line of eyeglasses. Here’s a fun fact – do you remember the movie “About a Boy” with Hugh Grant? Hoult was the boy! Since then, he most notably appeared on the UK series “Skins” where he indeed showed some skin – particularly when he seduced (and briefly orally-pleasured) the equally delectable Mitch Hewer. We’ll post that scene and the one with Mr. Firth on BillyMasters.com. As to your first question, alas, young Nicholas has been linked with women. Yes, a guy wearing an angora sweater and lip gloss could be straight. What would Joan Rivers think of that? It’s a world gone mad!

When a hot guy who has made a career playing gay is being outed as straight, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. You can always get the best dish on your favorite stars at BillyMasters.com. If you’ve got a pressing need, feel free to drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Latifah realizes she’s not bringing in the 16-year-old boys (or girls). So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.



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