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“Darling, I’m afraid to tell you that you’re full of garbage. That is an acting job!” – Whoopi Goldberg corrects Jake Pavelka when he says that “The Bachelor” was a reality show and not an acting job. He may be right – did you see him trying to act straight by hitting on Elizabeth Hasselback? Girl, please.

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hollywood1“Darling, I’m afraid to tell you that you’re full of garbage. That is an acting job!” – Whoopi Goldberg corrects Jake Pavelka when he says that “The Bachelor” was a reality show and not an acting job. He may be right – did you see him trying to act straight by hitting on Elizabeth Hasselback? Girl, please.

 

Someone recently asked our own Evan Lysacek the following question on his Twitter page: “Hey Evan, is Johnny Weir really a guy? Hard to tell from the photos I’ve seen LOL.” Evan’s catty response: “Verdict is still out.” Well, the queens following Lysacek went into a tizzy, leading to a fascinating response from Evan – he claims that his Twitter account was “hacked.” Certainly this was an elegant way out. But let’s think about it – would someone actually hack into Lysacek’s Twitter account solely to post a vaguely homophobic quip about a competitor? Hmmm…

 

I know I shouldn’t laugh, but my favorite recent headline is “Aretha Falls in Bathtub, Cancels Two Shows.” I realize at some point this schadenfreude will catch up to me, but I defy you to picture this occurrence without even the teensiest smirk. Auntie Re’s publicist quotes the Queen of Soul as saying, “I am very much looking forward to being in Brooklyn and having a foot-long hot dog at Coney Island.” The woman fell in a bathtub, cracked a rib (and possibly the porcelain tub itself), and her biggest concern is getting a hot dog! Did she also ask the ambulance to stop at a drive thru on the way to the ER?

 

Months ago, Russell Brand told David Letterman about his crush on Dame Helen Mirren. He said, “What I would like is for her to give me a bath. And she’s giving me a bath, and it’s just a normal kind of bath. But then it becomes confusing. She drops a washcloth, there’s some eye contact, she fumbles for the soap. Suddenly I’m locked in a dilemma with a queen – and not for the first time.” When confronted with this clip on “The View,” Dame Helen spoke directly to Brand: “You know what, Russell? You should be so lucky. I’m never going to be giving you a bath.” As it turns out, Russell had the last laugh. He posted a photo on his Twitter page from the set of the remake of “Arthur” where he stars alongside Mirren (who takes on the Gielgud role). There we see Russell in the bath with Dame Helen reaching into the water, fumbling around for something! It should be added that Brand looks quite delectable indeed. Pics to follow on BillyMasters.com

 

Russell and Dame Helen weren’t the only ones cavorting in the water. Queen Latifah and her personal trainer/roommate/co-owner of her house/not lesbian lover Jeanette Jenkins were snapped by the paps on a boat in Saint-Jean-Cap-Ferrat, France. Of course, friends can go on a boat together. It happens every day. Except that this photos on our website clearly shows the two in a tender embrace.

 

After endless rumors, it appears that Jane Lynch will be hosting an episode of “SNL” this fall. How she found out is rather funny. SNL contacted Ryan Murphy (“Glee” creator) to ask if they could have Lynch for a week in October. While Murphy was loathe to write around the lynch-pin, he knew this was a big deal. So he texted Jane to tell her she’d have to spend some time in NYC during the fall. When she protested, he said, “Lady, you’re doing ‘Saturday Night Live’!” While NBC continues to not confirm anything, a little birdie tells us to pencil in October 9th.

 

I know my fans enjoy “True Blood” – particularly with the addition of hunky Joe Manganiello as the werewolf Alcide. Joey certainly enjoys the attention of the fans, but there’s a time and a place. He recently said, “All of the guys that come up to me tell me that I’m on their wives’ favorite show. They chase me into the bathroom to tell me that.” Shades of Larry Craig, eh? Yeah, uh-huh, their “wives.” All this attention prompted the producers to promote him to a series regular next season. The stud also appears in the August issue of “Muscle & Body” – which I believe is one of the workout magazines for men with “wives” who wanna look at photos of hot men in various forms of undress working out together. All very hetero, I’m sure. The photos are not to be believed, and they’ll pop up on BillyMasters.com

 

This leads to our “Ask Billy” question perfectly. Gerry in Toledo writes: “Did you see ‘True Blood’ last week? Oh my God – when Eric told Talbot to turn over, I almost came right then and there! Any scoop or outtakes from the set?”

 

That was something, wasn’t it? I’m told that Alexander Skarsgard and Theo Alexander “had fun” doing the scene, and that it was just as intense on the set as it was for you watching it. Well, maybe not AS intense – I don’t believe either guy threatened to release any bodily fluids! I’m told there’s more where that came from, so keep watching. To tide you over, I’ll run the clip in all its hotness for you on BillyMasters.com. Just aim away from the computer.

 

Could it be that a certain oft-rumored about lad has shaved off his 1 o’clock shadow? Geez, this time around the stubble barely had a chance to breathe! I’m told the most recent Missus Ex felt from the beginning something didn’t exactly click – like a prom date gone bad, but not bad enough to keep her from saying “I do”. When the clock struck twelve, the vanishing act happened once again. When confronted by his irate spouse, we hear the traitor simply said, “I can’t.” Is this just a case of bad timing, bad luck, or bad acting? Either way, his rumored same-sex dalliances haven’t been affected in the slightest – and that’s saying something!

 

When a groom doesn’t want to kiss the bride, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Be sure to check out BillyMasters.com, the site that, like me, never sleeps! For your personal needs, just send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dame Helen gives Queen Latifah a royal bath! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

 

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