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Turning An FB into a BF

 

Hey Woody,

I’ve been having no-strings sex with this guy for like 2 years. Every month or so he comes over, we play hide the salami, he takes a shower and that’s about it. But lately, we’ve been doing it more often and actually having decent conversations at the end of our sessions. Well, guess what? I’m falling for him. I want to ask him out on a date but I’m not sure how or whether I should. On the one hand, I don’t want to scare him off and ruin the chance of getting laid regularly, but on the other, I want to take this to the next level. What’s the best way of turning a f— buddy into a boyfriend?

– Dying to know

wood3

 

Hey Woody,

 

I’ve been having no-strings sex with this guy for like 2 years. Every month or so he comes over, we play hide the salami, he takes a shower and that’s about it. But lately, we’ve been doing it more often and actually having decent conversations at the end of our sessions. Well, guess what? I’m falling for him. I want to ask him out on a date but I’m not sure how or whether I should. On the one hand, I don’t want to scare him off and ruin the chance of getting laid regularly, but on the other, I want to take this to the next level. What’s the best way of turning a f— buddy into a boyfriend?

 

– Dying to know

 

Dear Dying,

 

You may as well try turning Clay Aiken into a top. F— buddies are about being involved; boyfriends are about being committed. Think of it like a sausage and eggs breakfast: the chicken was involved; the pig was committed. Your f— buddy’s eggs are involved and now you want his sausage committed? Good luck.

 

Still, it is possible to convert him from a penis that’s attached to nobody special to somebody special with an attached penis. The best way to up the odds is to play it cool. That means:

 

* No Heart-To-Heart Talks. If you call him up and say, “We need to talk,” it better be about switching lubes or trying new positions. Don’t get me wrong—you do need to talk. A lot, actually. Just not about your feelings. Figure out what he likes outside the bedroom and bring it up. You need to establish a bond with him that doesn’t involve sex.

 

* Invest in Bottle Openers. You want him as loose as your morals and the best way to do that is to ply him with liquor. You don’t want him just listening—you want him talking – and alcohol will make his mouth as promiscuous as Paris Hilton’s publicist. Start the pouring before you head for the bed or after you’re done. The point is to get to know each other better.

 

* Don’t Ask Him Out; Get Him to Stay. Do something that’ll make him stay longer. Show him a scene you taped from the Daily Show, for example (my favorite show—I HAVE to plug it). Your relationship with him has been completely sex-centered so start centering it somewhere else. If there’s a spark during the “extended stay,” he’ll hang around so long he’ll have to stay over and then you’ll have a real problem on your hands: What to cook for breakfast.

 

* Be Funny. Remember, laughter is the Vaseline that makes ideas penetrate better. The idea, in this case, is for him to see you as marriage material. Make him chuckle and you’re halfway up his leg. Make him laugh and you’re halfway up the aisle.

 

* F— Him Senseless. No, really. Don’t forget why he’s there. If you start replacing sex with conversation you’ll just make him say “NO” in eight different languages. Don’t replace sex; add to it.

 

* Don’t Force It. If he doesn’t respond; if he finds excuses not to come early or stay late; if he won’t even take a beer when he comes over; then TAKE A F—ING HINT. Game over! At that point, you’ll have to decide if the pain of seeing him will be worth the pleasure of screwing him. And believe me it will be painful. Nothing hurts like unrequited love. Well, unless you’re getting topped by a guy who doesn’t believe in lube.

 

Half the guys you like are turned off by your body language. Turn them on with the secrets in woody’s instant download ebook, “ATTRACT HOTTER GUYS with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language,” available at MikeAlvear.com/ebook

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