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“I was offered to do a porno movie. It was a masturbation movie. I looked at it and said no. It’s dirty. So I won’t do porn. But I’ll try pretty much anything else. I mean, I don’t want to drive a Zamboni!” – Johnny Weir

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hollywood-inside-out-billy-masters.jpg“I was offered to do a porno movie. It was a masturbation movie. I looked at it and said no. It’s dirty. So I won’t do porn. But I’ll try pretty much anything else. I mean, I don’t want to drive a Zamboni!” – Johnny Weir


It may not be spring, but this is a time when the smart people set out to find a mate for the upcoming winter months. After all, most sensible folk are wearing more clothing given the nip in the air (my nips continue being sassy regardless of the temperature). There’s less of a need to look cute in revealing outfits and more of a need to cuddle in the cold. A friend of mine recently purchased a one-month membership to Match.com. After dozens of e-mails, a fistful of phone calls and a week-long marathon of first dates, he came up empty handed. But at least he has two hands. One of his most compatible matches was with a guy whose online photo made it clear that he was missing a hand…and most of his arm. But on the other hand (so to speak), the guy is quite handsome and claims to be successful. And he can get all the good parking spots at the mall. I’d snap him up in a second!

 

Speaking of relationships, author Darwin Porter’s upcoming biography of Paul Newman has some scoops about the late actor’s love life. The most intriguing information comes from an interview he did with Marlon Brando in 2004 (that was around the time Marlon was kissing Larry King on the lips). Brando is quoted as saying, “He never fooled me. Paul Newman had just as many on-location affairs as the rest of us, and he was just as bisexual as I was. But, where I was always getting caught with my pants down, he managed to do it in the dark.” Porter’s investigation also turns up evidence of a sexual relationship between Newman and James Dean. So, lemme get this straight – we’re taking the word of a nut who is now deceased discussing the sex life of two other dead celebrities, and the only one who could set the whole mess straight is Joanne Woodward? This is gonna be like who really killed JFK… Joanne ain’t sayin’ nothing.

 

I adore Patti LuPone. That’s not to say she’s not insane. She is, but she realizes it and almost revels in it, and that puts her miles ahead of delusional divas who don’t understand why people think they’re difficult. Patti relives each and every hurt from her professional (and, to a lesser extent, personal) life in the just-released autobiography “Patti LuPone – A Memoir.” LuPone goes out of her way to say she doesn’t hold a grudge. That said, she also doesn’t forget them. She recounts each tragic tale with passion and a wry sense of black humor. For example, she spends two chapters on the “Sunset Blvd” debacle (chapters I’m sure you’ll immediately turn to). While she’s not sure how complicit Glenn Close may have been in getting her fired from the Broadway production, she openly muses that had the situation been reversed, she would have immediately called Glenn to either apologize or commiserate. Then, several pages later, LuPone will drop in, “Oh, did I mention Glenn Close never, ever called me?” God love her! But, even better is the unabridged book on CD – performed by the author. Fabulous!

 

Adam Lambert was enjoying a few days in the SoBe sun prior to a concert last week. To try and fly under the radar, he was clad in long shorts, a tank top and one of those straw cowboy hats they used to plop on Rose Kennedy’s head when they’d drag her out – literally – for the annual Kennedy clambake! A photographer wouldn’t leave Lambert alone, so Adam chased the snapper and allegedly tackled him while trying to grab the camera, which had been stuffed inside his backpack. Ironically, another paparazzo was on hand and captured the entire incident – showing Lambert’s “tackle” to be more akin to a spirited game of touch football. The photo also shows the photographer laughing. The police are not pursuing the matter, but the snapper could still press charges. You can see the pics on BillyMasters.com

 

This week’s “Ask Billy” question comes from Patrick in Manchester, England: “Big fan here in the UK. Love your style – just ‘mazing! Do you know about Ian Watkins from Lostprophets? There’s supposed to be a video of him having gay sex, but none of the papers here will cover the story or run any photos. You must know something.”

 

When I first read the name Ian Watkins, I was sure he meant the cutie from the pop group Steps who came out last year, but apparently there’s another one. Lostprophets is a Welsh rock band who has done very well loston the alternative charts in the UK with a unique combination of punk and pop. Lead singer Ian Watkins is kinda broody and grungy and has been linked with a number of high-profile Brit babes. A couple of weeks ago, word of a sex tape surfaced which apparently contains footage of Ian cavorting with a girl and a guy. The photo that we’ve obtained clearly shows Ian chomping down on some bloke – no gal in sight. Now this could all be a publicity ploy. When the story first surfaced, Ian Tweeted, “I love it when a plan comes together.” Could he have orchestrated it? Who knows, but a cute guy sucking d**k is definitely gonna show up on BillyMasters.com

 

When popping up in a gay sex tape is considered a career move, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. For all of your gossip needs, head on over to BillyMasters.com where we tackle the tough stories. And if you have a question, just write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Glenn calls Patti (have I mention that she’s never, ever called her?). So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.


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