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“I always wanted to be a daddy.” – Ricky Martin on “The View.” Get your minds out of the gutter – he’s talking about being a father. By the way, do you know what his nickname is? “When I am onstage or in front of the cameras, I am ‘Ricky’; but in private I am ‘Kiki’.” Hard to call someone named Kiki a “Daddy”!

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hollywood-morrison-marsden-lehnhoff“I always wanted to be a daddy.” – Ricky Martin on “The View.” Get your minds out of the gutter – he’s talking about being a father. By the way, do you know what his nickname is? “When I am onstage or in front of the cameras, I am ‘Ricky’; but in private I am ‘Kiki’.” Hard to call someone named Kiki a “Daddy”!

 

I’ve survived another Halloween – a holiday taken VERY seriously in West Hollywood. When planning a look, most of our residents ask a question like, “What goes with a Speedo?” Or “Could one of those Chilean miners have been shirtless?” After Michael Phelps’ Olympic win, we saw lots of boys in skimpy suits, bathing caps and goggles because it is de rigueur to show as much skin as possible.

 

One of the people cavorting in town was Trace Lehnhoff, who you may know as Jeff Lewis’ cute assistant on “Flipping Out.” Trace happens to have a tight, well-defined body and wanted to show it off. His costume consisted of football shoulder pads, a jock strap and a smile! At one point, he planned on bringing a rape whistle – just in case! When I saw him, he had slipped on a pair of lace-up football pants that were…well, unlaced! We’ll run some hot pics on BillyMasters.com. Let me add that he has a penchant for showing skin around the holidays. Check out our site for more mouthwatering seasonal gay apparel.

 

My fans were over the moon about “Glee” paying homage to “The Rocky Horror Show.” In addition to the terrific performances, we also got lots of skin shots and proved once again that my buddy Matthew Morrison can more than hold his own against those young ‘uns (check out all the guys on my website). Alas, it’s the younger boys that “Playgirl” is interested in. The magazine put out a firm offer to both Mark Salling and Chord Overstreet: “We would be very willing to pay for them both – up to $100,000. And it wouldn’t have to be fully X-rated, either.” OK, you had me, then you lost me. Not X-rated? Even Salling was surprised: “Wow, really? A hundred thousand to keep my clothes on? I’ll only do it if I can take my clothes off.” Music to my ears.

 

Let me make a confession – I don’t really get into The Oprah. I like her, but she never gets anything really juicy out of celebrities because she coddles them too much. That said, I watched her interview with Portia De Rossi and noticed that Winfrey has enormous trouble crossing her legs. Throughout the chat, she actually had to hold her left knee in a death grip to keep it from flying off her right thigh! Portia’s big reveal was that the shame of being a lesbian drove her to anorexia – at one point, she only weighed 82 pounds. When she said that, I was sure Oprah’s leg was gonna take flight! Note to self – if I want to get back into my skinny jeans, start sleeping with women.

 

Lesbians are making news overseas as well. For the first time in the history of the “Dancing with the Stars” franchise, there will be a same-sex couple dancing. And it’s in Israel! And it’s not some old handsome woman with whiskers and a hump like Golda Meir. This is a sexy TV sportscaster named Gili Shem-Tov. She’s openly gay and when she was invited onto the show, she said she’d only do it if she could have a female partner – and the producers said yes. Bear in mind that while Israel can be old fashioned in some ways, gays can serve in the military. So why not dance on TV together? Maybe they could do the Gaza Strip – bada bing!

 

The swoon-worthy James Marsden will be showing off his fantastic physique on the small screen. Look for Jimmy to drop by “Modern Family” as, you guessed it, a gorgeous guy in the neighborhood who likes to take off his shirt. What makes it even better is that the neighborhood in question is where gay couple Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet live. Marsden’s character has a penchant for hot tubs, and the boys take a little time to enjoy the view.

 

Sticking with anatomy for the time being, Andy Dick had yet another public meltdown. Apparently he was at an outdoor café in our neighborhood (because he lives a few houses away). Let’s assume he was drunk – ’cause that’s usually a safe bet. He harassed a woman walking by and was then chased by a paparazzo. I’m not sure why he harassed the woman. I’m not sure why a paparazzo was following him. Most of all, I’m not sure why Andy’s d*ck was hanging out of his fly. And I’m not sure why I’m gonna post it on BillyMasters.com – but I am.

 

Just to get the bad taste of Andy’s d*ck out of your mouth, let’s swiftly turn to Jared Leto. He posted a hot photo on his Twitter page with a caption that reads, “Real Men Wear Skirts” – because the photo is of the sexy stud shirtless and, well, wearing a skirt. It’s on our website, too. Just scan past the photo of Andy.

 

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Christian in Miami: “What happened with that ‘Philip Morris’ movie with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor playing lovers? Is it ever coming out?”


“I Love You Philip Morris” has been on and off the shelf so many times, even I had to look up the latest news. Allegedly, it will open “in select cities” on December 3rd. But who do you think saw the movie six months ago? Billy Masters, that’s who. So, since many of you clearly want to watch it, why don’t I just point you in the right direction courtesy of BillyMasters.com and you can see it for yourself. Consider it an early holiday gift.

 

When I’m scheduling movie screenings, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. See? One stop shopping – that’s what BillyMasters.com is all about. In fact, it’s never too early to buy a stocking stuffer for that special someone. And with enough notice, I could personally stuff that stocking (in addition to other things). For all your needs, I’m just a mouse click away. Just send a note along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I weld Andy Dick’s fly SHUT! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.


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