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Hey Woody,

I use all the dating sites I can to harvest a few dates, but I’m not having much luck. Is there some kind of code that I can’t seem to crack? Why am I only attracting freaks, flakes and femmes? I’m wondering if you would take a look at my profile and tell me how I could improve it.

Hey Woody,

I use all the dating sites I can to harvest a few dates, but I’m not having much luck. Is there some kind of code that I can’t seem to crack? Why am I only attracting freaks, flakes and femmes? I’m wondering if you would take a look at my profile and tell me how I could improve it.

– Desperate for better hits

Dear Desperate,

I looked at your profile. You couldn’t attract men if you wore magnets. You’re doing so many things wrong I hardly know where to start. So rather than pick your profile apart (the Rapture would come before I finished) let me just give you some of the rules for meeting higher quality guys. They’re taken from my brand new ebook: Attract Hotter Guys Online. The Secrets To Making Yourself Irresistible on Gay Dating Sites.

1. Show your face.

Profiles with face shots get waaaayyy more hits than those that don’t. Here’s what most people would think if they saw a headless pic of your body:

a) It must be hard for you to chew food without a mouth.

b) You’re a closet case who’s going to make them sign a confidentiality agreement before they go home with you.

c) You’ve probably got a face that’d knock a buzzard off a gut wagon.

d) You’re somebody’s boyfriend and you don’t want him or his friends seeing you online.

Would you expect guys to approach you in a bar if they couldn’t see your face? Then why would you expect guys online to do it? Put your face pics in your profile and I promise your hit rate will go up.

2. Smile.

It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips. It’s also a shortcut to the bedroom. Think about it — would you ever approach somebody in a bar if they had a sneer that would scare Satan’s jackals? Of course not.

3. Be Specific In Your Profile.

If you want masculine guys, for example, say something like this: “If the only textile you can name is ‘denim’ we’re going to get along. If you can’t tell the difference between ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell we’re going to date. And if you don’t have a problem taking a dump in public restrooms because you think the world is your toilet, we’re going to get married.”

Remember, details attract. Generalizations detract.

4. Write An Attention-Getting Headline.

Which one of these four profile headers would attract your attention?

A. “Hello”?

B. “You May be the One I’m Looking for”?

C. “Looking to Meet New People”?

D. “Willing to Lie About How We Met!”

Obviously, the last one. The more unique (and humorous) you can be, the more attention you’re going to get.

5. Get A Credible Username

You are not going to attract a quality guy with a username like BlondBottom4U. No, really. You’re not. So stop it. Use one that describes some aspect of you, like Skier2010 or Sciencegeek.

6. Connect When You Reach Out.

Don’t just say “Hey,” or “What’s up.” Or worse, “Looking for some hole to plow?” Leave the trash talk for the bedroom. Respond to something in their profile so they know you invested some time in contacting them (as opposed to sending a mass email to everyone with a pulse). For example, if his profile says he’s into rock bands then email him with a question like, “Did you see Phoenix when they were in town last month?”

Having A Hard Time Online? Download woody’s new ebook, Attract Hotter Guys ONLINE, available at http://www.adviceongaydatingsites.com/menseekingmen

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