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Hey Woody, I read your answer to “smelly” (how to tell your new boyfriend his crotch smells like a grease-encrusted vomit bucket). Loved your answer but wanted to add a different dimension to the problem. I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. I could be in a mildly warm bar and sweat like I’m a whore in church. Any advice for people like me?

Hey Woody,

I read your answer to “smelly” (how to tell your new boyfriend his crotch smells like a grease-encrusted vomit bucket). Loved your answer but wanted to add a different dimension to the problem. I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. I could be in a mildly warm bar and sweat like I’m a whore in church. Any advice for people like me?

– Spikot

Dear Spikot,

Well, you’re not alone. About 8 million Americans — almost 3% of the population — suffers from excessive sweating. It’s called hyperhidrosis, a condition that causes excessive sweating in your pits, face, feet, hands and groin.

It’s not unusual for somebody with hyperhidrosis to sweat through a T-shirt, shirt and jacket even when they’re in a cool room. Some guys only wear black because it’s the one color that doesn’t show stains under the arms. And even though they’re not drag queens, some guys bring different outfits to change into throughout the day. Listen, we’ve all met people like you. We hate shaking your hand.

It’s an embarrassing condition, no doubt. Number one, it ain’t pretty to look at. Number two it ain’t pretty to look at. Worse, studies show that people who sweat profusely are considered untrustworthy, devious and anxious.

In other words, they’ll think you’re me.

The sad part is that two thirds of the people suffering from excessive sweating don’t even ask their doctors for help. Too bad, because solutions exist. And get a load of the one of the most effective treatments: Botox. It isn’t just for wrinkles anymore. The FDA approved Botox injections as a treatment for severe underarm sweating (it blocks nerves that trigger sweat glands). Some people use it to avoid looking like the Bellagio’s fountains at important events— major presentations, weddings, sex clubs, that type of thing.

In fact, here’s a little known Hollywood secret: A lot of celebrities are getting Botox injection before the Academy Awards because they don’t want to be photographed with sweat stains on their dresses.

There are other options. Here are a couple of other things you can do:

Prescription antiperspirants. They work but beware of skin irritations, redness and stinging. Still, it’s better for you to yell “OW!” than your partner to yell, “EEW!”

Medications. Antidepressants, tranquilizers and some high blood pressure medications have a sort of drying effect. You know, like my jokes.

Surgery. Surgeons can remove the sweat glands or cut the nerves leading to them. I’d only do this if you were a walking puddle, though. It’s a drastic measure with often-severe consequences.

So why are you sweating so much? Scientists don’t know, but they think reading this column doesn’t help. Truth is, people who need yards of beach towels to wipe off their seats have the same number of sweat glands than us petite flowers who only need a Kleenex. Although it can be aggravated by stressful events, hyper sweating also occurs in calm, everyday situations. That’s why scientists think malfunctioning brain signals may be the cause.

Compression Shorts. Cyclists and other athletes use these shorts to separate groin and hamstring muscles, which can make your skin chafe and break out in rashes. If they’re made with the right materials they can also give you odor protection. Look at the labels and see if they contain moisture-wicking materials. Basically, the cotton lining wicks away the sweat while the nylon shell keeps it away until it evaporates.

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Sweating Too Much

Hey Woody,

I read your answer to “smelly” (how to tell your new boyfriend his crotch smells like a grease-encrusted vomit bucket). Loved your answer but wanted to add a different dimension to the problem. I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. I could be in a mildly warm bar and sweat like I’m a whore in church. Any advice for people like me?

– Spikot

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