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“Jamie and I have a bromance. We’ve been having sex for years now. Going fantastic.” – Channing Tatum tells “GQ” about his special relationship with his “Eagle” co-star, Jamie Bell. I usually say you don’t need to paint me a picture, but in this case – I’d like the painting, please.

travolta-klein-schock-hollywood-1“Jamie and I have a bromance. We’ve been having sex for years now. Going fantastic.” – Channing Tatum tells “GQ” about his special relationship with his “Eagle” co-star, Jamie Bell. I usually say you don’t need to paint me a picture, but in this case – I’d like the painting, please.

Can I give you a piece of advice? Get at least one good photo of yourself naked at your physical peak. You know, something you can trot out whenever the conversation with friends turns to who has the hottest nude photos (like you all don’t have these chats). A bon ami of mine had everything fall into place perfectly. He was in terrific shape, just the right amount of manscaping, good haircut, and happened to be in Greece with an amateur photographer. Throw in some good lighting and ancient ruins – how could you not look good? Online he looks like a Greek god. A sometime paramour who occasionally acts did a whole series of such photos which never saw the light of day. Pity, because aside from a questionable hairstyle, he never looked better. As for me, I’ve taken some good photos on a low-carb/non-bloat day. But I never got the whole package (as it were) in the same shot. If I ever have some spare time, maybe I’ll arrange them all like some jigsaw puzzle.

I bring this all up apropos of Representative Chris Lee who e-mailed shirtless pics to a woman while claiming to be a 39-year-old divorced lobbyist instead of a 46-year-old married Congressman. OK, so he’s a Republican. That doesn’t mean he can’t be at least a little hot. They don’t all look like Larry Craig, you know. Some look like Scott Brown. Back to Chris Lee, he’s in good enough shape to be posing shirtless. And, sure, he shaved seven years off his age – who among us hasn’t done that? Even in public, under the right conditions, I will say the words, “What was it like being alive for the Bicentennial?” Alright, I don’t know if I would buy him as 39 – I’ve been around long enough to know better.

I was recently in the UK and one of the big stories was about a waiter at a popular Chinese restaurant in SoHo who won a sexual discrimination suit. The waiter (who happens to be gay and Chinese – not that it matters) claims that two male managers simulated sex acts in front of him and on another instance sang “Like a Virgin” and kissed and fondled each other. Sounds like being at the Grammys. But is it sexual harassment? He also claims that a customer once tweaked his nipple and the manager asked “Did you like it?” I’m wondering what service he provided to provoke a customer to go anywhere near the nipple? I’m sure I’ve done it – but it’s been established that I have boundary issues. He claims that the restaurant is very chilly and his thin uniform led to his nipples being erect. Part of the problem might be his type-2 diabetes. “My loss of weight leads me to look attractive but it brought me trouble as I suffered from sexual harassment from some duty managers. I was losing weight and, due to the tightness of the company uniform, a black T-shirt, my body figure was being shown.” Oh, he’s too thin and too attractive because of the diabetes. Who do I have to f*ck to get that??? And, more importantly, where is this restaurant where waiters don’t wear pants? The owner was ordered to pay £21,500 ($40K) for “lost earnings and injury to feelings.” Maybe they should also send him some Sassy Nips!

With all the embarrassing stories that continue to surface about John Travolta’s alleged gay tendencies, I am starting to believe that coming out could only help his reputation. Let’s skip the story about his “hair”. Instead, the “National Enquirer” ran a story about him openly flirting with a waiter: “When John learned his studly server was an aspiring actor, he asked what projects he’d worked on, who represented him, etc. – and then flashed that award-winning smile and asked, ‘Could you give me your phone number? I might be able to help you out’. The waiter told me it really bothered him that Kelly never even looked up at him – not once!” Well, you know, she is a Method actress!

Didya know Calvin Klein’s latest boytoy Nick Gruber/Aaron Skyline almost appeared in “Playgirl”? Editor Daniel Nardicio says, “I had contacted him a long time ago about posing in ‘Playgirl’, before he was outed as a porn star. I kept trying to meet up with him and he kept blowing me off, with monosyllabic texts, yet he said he’d do ‘Playgirl’ as long as he got the cover. Finally, in frustration I texted him to forget it, and he came back with ‘You only want me because of my fame, so you can go f*ck yourself.’ To that I told him that in three years when Klein tired of blowing him, he’d be just another bottle blond looking for work, so he should be more respectful of people trying to give him work. He then texted, ‘Calvin is my partner – you don’t understand because you don’t have that. I am famous now, and people want me for my fame, and you should be careful ’cause of the people I know and what they could do to you.'” People want him for his fame? Really? WHO IS HE? A gay porn star/hustler who’s trading sex for cash and reconstructive plastic surgery. I’m sorry, but I think it’s about time someone called a whore a whore. He may not be in ‘Playgirl” but he’s on BillyMasters.com Come and get me…

When Travolta’s making reservations at that chilly Chinese restaurant, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. What is it about these Republicans and shirtless pics? You never see Barney Frank shirtless. But do you remember 30-year-old Illinois congressman Aaron Schock? Now, I forget – did he go out of his way to state he’s not gay after he was photographed shirtless with the abs of a gay porn star or when he was wearing that teal belt with white slacks? No matter – at least he’s hot. And that’s what we care about over at www.BillyMasters.com If you’ve got a question, just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before someone publishes a “Hot Men of the GOP” Calendar! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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