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hollywood-jonas-ripa-karimloo-0“A vibrator. Definitely. A gold one.” – Elton John answers Piers Morgan’s question, “What’s the single item you’ve bought in your life that’s brought you the most happiness?” Don’t paint me a picture.

hollywood-jonas-ripa-karimloo-1“A vibrator. Definitely. A gold one.” – Elton John answers Piers Morgan’s question, “What’s the single item you’ve bought in your life that’s brought you the most happiness?” Don’t paint me a picture.

I’ve uncovered the secret to eternal youth and I’m gonna share it with you, because that’s the kinda guy I am. The key to staying young is to constantly have new experiences. Last year, I went to my first White Party in Palm Springs. And now, I’ve just gone to my first Winter Party in South Beach – and I didn’t even plan it. I must thank the organizers who went out of their way to accommodate my last-minute request. Sure, being a well-known syndicated columnist helps. You know what else helps? Always being nice to people. How nice? Years ago I was apparently very nice to someone while in the hot tub of a well-known television personality. Fast forward to last week – the person who had to OK my request remembered me from that hot tub. Learn from Uncle Billy – it won’t kill you to be friendly. In fact, it can be downright pleasant!

As to the Winter Party itself, it drew huge numbers of gorgeous guys raising money for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. But, of course, they were also there to party. When I arrived in a sea of abs and pecs, I didn’t see a single person I knew. Thankfully, I was immediately approached by a podiatrist from Los Angeles who wanted to say he’s a big fan – and you know how I love my fans…if only there was a hot tub nearby! I also spent time schmoozing with a big TV star, a celebrity publicist, a club producer, someone who had just spent time with President Obama, my favorite flight attendant, and a few of my favorite porn pups. I even spied Jeffrey Sanker taking time out from planning his upcoming White Party on the dance floor. It was a fabulous event.

While I was in Miami, New Orleans was bursting at the seams for Fat Tuesday. The grand marshals of the Endymion Parade were Anderson Cooper and Kelly Ripa. Ripa was accompanied by hubby Mark Consuelos while Coop brought his beau Benjamin Maisani. Andy Cohen was spotted trying to toss beads to the crowd. You can see them cavorting on BillyMasters.com

Which of you crazy queens out there has enraged Patti LuPone? Maybe I should be more specific – she’s so easy to tick off. Which of you started a Twitter account in her name? Oh, yes, someone DARED to assume the moniker of La LuPone for a few laughs – and some pointed barbs against Bernadette Peters, Elaine Stritch, Barbra Streisand and Glenn Close. Patti ain’t happy: “It’s as if I’ve had my identity stolen.” She’s VERY dramatic! How dramatic? After trying to get the situation resolved via e-mail and phone, LuPone DROVE to Twitter’s corporate headquarters. She couldn’t get past security. Can you even imagine some temp calling Mr. Twitt’s office saying, “There’s this crazy Italian woman screaming and threatening the life of my unborn children!” Needless to say, no one met with her. So Patti’s gone public with this warning on her own website – PattiLuPone.net: “BEWARE ALL TWITTERERS! There’s an imposter on Twitter (@LuPonePATTI) pretending to be me. I do not have a Twitter account. All communication from me will be on this website, no where else. So please don’t pay any attention to that twit on Twitter!” She was even stronger when talking to Broadway.com: “I’d like to meet this person and wring his or her neck!” If you see her, RUN!

I’ve always been rather dismissive of the Jonas Brothers. But I have to say, I’ve been impressed lately by Nick Jonas. First was his very competent appearance on “Mr. Sunshine”. Last week I scoffed when I saw his name on the roster for the PBS “Motown Sound” concert from the White House – until I watched it. Then I had to say, “You know what? He’s pretty good.” While he may be lacking soul, one can’t deny his vocal abilities and stage presence. Days later, he turned up on the 25th anniversary concert of “Les Misérables”. His isn’t the strongest legit voice in the world, but I give him credit for pushing himself (having Michael Ball show how it’s done during the encore was almost cruel). And, of course, he ain’t bad to look at. All in all, I’m slowly becoming a fan.

Which leads us to this week’s “Ask Billy” question. Patrick in Chicago writes, “Did you see the Les Miz concert from London? Who was the hot hunk who played ‘Enjorlas’? My god, he’s gorgeous. And what a voice!”

That would be mega-sexy Ramin Karimloo – who happens to be playing the “Phantom” in the London production of Lloyd Webber’s “Love Never Dies”, the sequel to “Phantom of the Opera”. In fact, Ramin has the distinction of being the youngest person to play the title role in “Phantom” in the West End (he was 28). Far more interesting is that he posed nude for CosmoUK. At the time, he said, “I’ve been on stage in just my pants before, in ‘Miss Saigon’, but I’ve never done full-frontal nudity – I’m too shy to even walk around my house naked, so you girls should consider yourselves very lucky today.” Yeah, he said “girls” – he’s married and has two kids. But what the hell – a hot guy is a hot guy, and you can consider yourself lucky to see every inch of him at BillyMasters.com

And since several of you have asked, I’ll also run those full-frontal nude photos of Chris “Horse Hung” Brown on BillyMasters.com. At least now we know why Rihanna stuck around so long.

When Chris Brown has two ways of choking you, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Do you know what I’ve never done? Been to Mardi Gras. That’ll be my new thing in 2012. But first I have to get through the White Party on April 8-11 (tix and info at www.JeffreySanker.com). You can get all late breaking news at www.BillyMasters.com. And if you’ve got a question, just send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Patti turns up on “America’s Most Wanted!”! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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