A-Hole Boyfriend

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Hey Woody,

I’ve been with my lover for 10 years. Recently I found out he’s been having sex with his male first cousin who is HIV Positive. He’s gotten Chlamydia in the throat and anus and takes an oral –and anal–form of Mycelex. I love him with all my heart but he is now starting to get hostile with me since I confronted him about it and expressed worry that I’m going to get HIV from him. Is there any help for people like me who are co-dependent and in love? Is this normal for two first cousins who are gay to have sex? I am confused and hurt.

Hey Woody,

I’ve been with my lover for 10 years. Recently I found out he’s been having sex with his male first cousin who is HIV Positive. He’s gotten Chlamydia in the throat and anus and takes an oral –and anal–form of Mycelex. I love him with all my heart but he is now starting to get hostile with me since I confronted him about it and expressed worry that I’m going to get HIV from him. Is there any help for people like me who are co-dependent and in love? Is this normal for two first cousins who are gay to have sex? I am confused and hurt.

– Don’t Know Anymore

Dear Don’t Know,

I just want to make sure I have this straight. He puts you in danger of contracting a possibly fatal disease and shows no concern for your health?

Wow, it must really hurt to have your lover wipe his feet on you every time he walks in the door. Isn’t the ‘Welcome’ sign wearing out from all the shoe leather?

You need to go from doormat to doorman. Instead of welcoming him in you need to keep him out. I’m all for forgiveness and giving people another chance but your jerk boyfriend is acting like a guy suing the police for catching him in the act of robbing bank. He owes you explanations, not hostility. He owes you apologies, not indifference.

Cheating on you makes him a sh*t. Cheating with a first cousin makes him a morally bankrupt sh*t. Demonstrating no concern for your health makes him a degenerate, morally bankrupt sh*t. This is the man you’re in love with? This is the man you want to patch things up with? Dude, you’ve got a bigger problem than him: You.

My advice? Run; don’t walk, to the nearest therapist. Your objectives, and in this order, are:

1. Help in leaving him

2. Help in figuring out why you think so little of yourself that you’d put up with this kind of sh*t (you found out about this travesty; I can’t imagine what he’s done that you haven’t found out about).

3. Help in making sure that you never play the role of emotional masochist in future relationships.

Good luck, and please give your partner my heartiest “F–k You.”

Hey Woody,

My partner and I don’t have sex very often even though we’re still physically attracted to each other. Don’t laugh, but the problem is exhaustion! We both have incredibly stressful jobs and we’re just too damn tired to have sex. What can we do about this, short of quitting our jobs?

– Tired of it

Dear Tired:

Why would I laugh? Nearly 25% of couples miss out on sex because they’re too sleepy, according to a recent poll by the U.S. National Sleep Foundation. Sleep deprivation not only saps your libido, it makes you cranky, aggravated and irritable. Sex with a psycho b*itch, anyone?

My advice: Get more sleep. You can do that by getting to bed earlier (duh!) and going away for short, “dirty weekends” (if you’re working that hard you’re making the bucks to afford it). There’s another thing you can do, though it seems patently obvious: Go to bed together. You can’t believe how many couples don’t go to sleep at the same time. One stays up to watch TV while the other goes upstairs to read. Nothing acts like a sex-zapper more than going to bed at different times. Make it a point to lie on the sheets simultaneously and I promise you’ll end up staining them more often.

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