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“Studio questions the appeal of Jodie Foster’s Beaver.” – headline in a trade magazine regarding the Mel Gibson flick, The Beaver. I’m surprised it’s a question. And, apparently, the trade was right – no one cared about Jodie’s Beaver.

hollywood-pettyfer-donovan-barreto-1“Studio questions the appeal of Jodie Foster’s Beaver.” – headline in a trade magazine regarding the Mel Gibson flick, The Beaver. I’m surprised it’s a question. And, apparently, the trade was right – no one cared about Jodie’s Beaver.

Lately I’ve been in some dental distress. Now, I have a high threshold for pain – just ask anyone who’s dated me. But if there’s anything worse than being in pain at home, it’s being in pain away from home. I had no idea what to do or who to go to. While some fans had some extremely helpful advice, I faced the very real possibility of blindly picking a dentist off the Internet. That’s when my colleague Lynn Samuels (on Sirius Stars 107) recommended her own dentist who had relocated to Fort Lauderdale. With his assistance, I was placed in the trusty hands of an adorable Nova Southeastern University Dental resident who took care of my gaping hole. Come to think of it, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve said that about somebody I found online!

I was literally in a waiting room when I heard the bizarre story about a woman arrested in neighboring Pompano Beach. Ann Marie Hernandez was taken into custody after police learned that she was concealing a fraudulent credit card and driver’s license in her vagina. Yes, IN her vagina!!! You’d think this was an isolated incident, but some cursory research revealed that women use their vaginas to carry a variety of things. Why just last month, Gloria Esther Perez of Fort Myers ended up in the big house after police discovered a bottle of prescription medication and a knife up there! I suppose it’s easier than carrying a purse. It also means that the dentist who tended to my cavity had absolutely nothing to complain about!

But it’s not just ladies with gifted crotches. Sexy actor Alex Pettyfer (from that movie “I Am Number Four” which nobody saw) admits that he got a tattoo above his penis that says “Thank you”. Why? “In case I forget to say it.” He’s a giver. Strike that – a receiver! Elsewhere in the “VMan” magazine interview, Alex talks about life in Hollywood: “LA is growing on me a little bit, but it’s still a sh*thole. Geographically it’s fantastic: in a half hour, you can be on the beach in one direction, go snowboarding in another, or go out into the desert. But socially it’s disgusting. I wish they’d run all the c*nts out.” And this is how my columns develop a theme…

It’s been oft reported that Pettyfer’s family was best friends with the family of Channing Tatum – a detail Alex admits is completely untrue. But it’s still the perfect segue into our next story. Before becoming a film star, Tatum was a lithe male model who used to take off his clothes at the drop of a hat – although in the full-frontal shot we have on BillyMasters.com, he leaves his hat on. At the same time, he was also working as a male stripper down here in Florida – yet another crotchal connection to the Sunshine State. Now Chan is parlaying his past into a film. He’s teamed up with Steven Soderbergh (who continually promises he’s retiring) to produce and act in “Magic Mike”. Since his weight has fluctuated considerably upon entering his 30s (alas, that’s life), Tatum will not be playing the young hunky stripper. Instead, he’ll be the older stripper who mentors the young hunky dancer. Either way, someone’s taking something off. “This was a wild and pivotal time in my life and I couldn’t be more thrilled to go down the rabbit hole with Steven.” Soderbergh called Channing’s pitch “one of the best ideas I’d ever heard for a movie.” So, move over “Erin Brockovich”, “Traffic” and “Sex, Lies, and Videotape”. Here comes “Magic Mike”!

Is anyone out there watching “90210”? No? Then you missed mega-hot Trevor Donovan hooking up with the equally sexy Alan Ritchson. Yes, two gorgeous guys who have modeled underwear got together on network TV (well, TheCW). Ritchson played a former classmate who Donovan always had a crush on. They reunite, Trev comes out, and Alan…well, he takes the bull by the horns, as it were. You can see all at BillyMasters.com.

A former “American Idol” contestant is the subject of this week’s “Ask Billy” question. Sean in Sacramento writes, “What do you know about Jovany? He was in the Top 24 on ‘Idol’ this season. He’s totally gorgeous and someone told me he’s posted some nude photos online. Is this true?”

Sorry to burst your bubble, but the lovely Jovany Barreto hasn’t posed naked – at least not completely naked. He has, however, taken quite a number of shirtless pics of himself, which have fallen into our hot little hands (which ain’t so little, by the by). You can check him out at BillyMasters.com.

Could it be that a certain soap siren has a new occupation? Full time beard – or imminent Mrs. Beard. Of course, she’s got loads of experience given some of her onscreen partners (including two whom were vying for her affection at the same time). And certainly her current paramour fits that niche nicely. But our damsel in distress says this is the real thing – because she’s gotten a sign. Hey, who am I to doubt her. Maybe this really is her soul mate. Or maybe it just means that she and Ellen have the same taste in music.

When a soap star is praying her fiancĂ© is nothing like his most recent character, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Now that I’m out of pain, I can concentrate on the important things – like keeping you up to date of the latest gossip on www.BillyMasters.com. And I’m always happy to hear from the fans. Feel free to send me a note at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I check my dentist for tattoos! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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