Porn As Sex Aid

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Hey Woody,

My partner likes us to watch porn films together to get us in the mood, but they turn me off completely.  I know– gay and disgusted by porn.  Go figure.  It isn’t that I actually hate porn as much as I resent the fact that he needs videos to get horny with me.  How can I get him to lay his hands on me instead of the remote control?

– Bedroom Static

Porn as Sex Aid

Hey Woody,

My partner likes us to watch porn films together to get us in the mood, but they turn me off completely.  I know– gay and disgusted by porn.  Go figure.  It isn’t that I actually hate porn as much as I resent the fact that he needs videos to get horny with me.  How can I get him to lay his hands on me instead of the remote control?

– Bedroom Static

Dear Static,

Boy, are you writing the wrong guy!  I love porn.  Remember what Hustler publisher Larry Flynt said?  “There are two kinds of people who complain about porn—the kind who don’t know what they’re talking about and the kind who don’t know what they’re missing.”

Still, while I’m a big fan of Taped Fornication, here’s the truth:  Porn is a wonderful spice, but a lousy meal.  It should be used to flavor your sex life, not take over it.  You need to take control of the remote by making him a deal:  “We can watch porn, but *I* get to choose the video.”  

Now, you can use the remote control to spark up your sex life, but you’re going to have to put it down at some point.  Then what?  Your own desires and fantasies are the real keys to sexual satisfaction.  How to get at them?  Try the Foreplay Forum.  It requires two things:  lots of communication and no clothing.  Lay down in a naked embrace and take turns asking and answering the following questions:  “Nothing puts me in the mood more than when you ….“I get really turned on when you….” “I love it when you…”  “One thing we haven’t done that I’d love to try is….”

Foreplay Forums are a way of exchanging sexual ideas.  Caution:  They must be judgment-free zones.  No “yucks” or “eewwws” allowed.  The point is to share your turn-ons and establish a kind of roadmap to the bedroom.   Do that and your sex life will go from “Ho-Hum” to “Oh, Wow!”

Hey Woody,

I’m kind of shy in bed and this guy I’ve been seeing wants me to masturbate to the point of ejaculation in front of him (without him touching me).  How do I get over my self-consciousness about this?  It’s weird, but I can masturbate in front of him, but I’m too self-conscious to ejaculate.  It feels like I’m putting on a show.

–  Prudish in Pennsylvania

Dear Prudish,

Start by forbidding yourself from climaxing.  Sounds odd, I know, but the best way of ensuring an orgasm is to take a break from trying for one.

During this break concentrate on pleasure.  Sink into sensations.  Focus on feelings.  What’s it like when you stroke your penis with your left hand rather than your right?  How do the sheets feel under your thighs?  In other words, replace pressure with pleasure.   

As for your partner, take his desire to watch you masturbate as a compliment.  He’s saying, “I love your body and I want to see it in a way I can’t when I’m holding you.”  Honor that.  And be honest.  Tell him you’re willing to masturbate, but that you’re too self-conscious to climax while he watches.  For now, anyway.   With growing trust and confidence, everything—including you—will come out fine.  So how should you conduct your “witnessed masturbation?”  By asking him.  Involving him will make you feel like you’re giving him a personal gift, not a public performance.

Download Woody’s ebook, Meet The Hottie In The Corner —
The 21 Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear of Rejection, Master the Art of Icebreakers and Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get.  Available at:  http://www.mikealvear.com/gaydate