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Hey Woody,

I’m hoping you can help me and other people in the same situation. I’m HIV+ and in desperate need of meds. I make practically nothing income-wise yet I’ve been turned down for assistance from every AIDS organization, public health clinic and governmental group (like Social Security) you can think of. Why? Because I’m not full blown yet. When I started meds a year ago I was 30 t-cells away from being full blown and got my meds from a research group that just dropped me a month ago. I’ve been struggling ever since then for help. The researchers can’t get me any more meds and won’t offer me assistance. I’m at my wit’s end, what can I do?

Hey Woody,

I’m hoping you can help me and other people in the same situation. I’m HIV+ and in desperate need of meds. I make practically nothing income-wise yet I’ve been turned down for assistance from every AIDS organization, public health clinic and governmental group (like Social Security) you can think of. Why? Because I’m not full blown yet. When I started meds a year ago I was 30 t-cells away from being full blown and got my meds from a research group that just dropped me a month ago. I’ve been struggling ever since then for help. The researchers can’t get me any more meds and won’t offer me assistance. I’m at my wit’s end, what can I do?

-Feeling Helpless

Dear Helpless,

I suspect there are things you’re not telling me. I honestly don’t know any AIDS organizations that would turn you away if you fit their criteria for help. Or at least direct you to someone who could. Not unless A) they’re incompetent or B) You won’t comply with what they’ve asked from you.

I’ll take the consonant over the vowel. I suspect you haven’t helped them help you. “Non-compliance” is the biggest stumbling block to getting meds. For instance, have you given them the documentation they need? Did you give them proof of your HIV status, a valid ID, or proof of income? Do you show up when you say you’re going to show up? That’s about all the AIDS organizations need, yet case workers report a large number of people who simply don’t give them requested documentation (often because they’re depressed or have an underlying drug addiction that prevents them from acting rationally).

AIDS organizations are audited by the governmental and charitable organizations that fund them. Simply walking in and looking like hell is proof you need a makeover, not a regimen. They need proof, a paper trail to justify their expenditures.

So, my advice: Re-trace your steps. Did you give everyone the papers they asked for? I suspect not. So do it.

Hey Woody,

After years of feeding my inner slut, I am now dating someone who wants monogamy. I admire the fact that no one else temps this man. How does somebody like me, who’s always thought “monogamy” was an eight-letter word for “monotony” stay true to just one man? How do I become worthy of monogamy?

– Curious

Dear Curious,

“Worthy” of monogamy? What, you think it’s a prize? It ain’t. It’s a way to the prize—the highest level of unity, harmony and love. Notice I said a way, not the way.

How do you stay monogamous? You remove yourself from temptations (don’t go out to bars), you remove temptations from you (hire ugly pool boys) and you focus on the reason you’re putting yourself through this hell in the first place (your love for an amazing man).

Monogamy is not natural. Not between men and women, men and men, or even animals. Although, really, if you’re going to blow a baboon, would you really want to be exclusive?

Just because monogamy’s not natural doesn’t mean it’s not attainable or desirable. Looking like a plucked, primped and pickled gym rat isn’t natural but it’s attainable, and depending on your sensibilities, desirable. If you want a 32 waist you to have to exercise muscles and stay away from certain foods. If you want a monogamous relationship you have to exercise restraint and stay away from certain men. You know, the ones with penises.

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