Several months ago I met a really nice guy down by the pool. He started a conversation with me and we talked and talked. I was pretty sure he was straight from the very beginning and really did not find him sexually appealing anyway. Soon we were meeting every day after work down by the pool for wine, a good cigar and some laughs. He invited me to dinner on two occasions to his apartment and we had a great time watching an old movie and listening to 70’s rock. In return, I invited him over for dinner and we had a great time.
Well, one afternoon when I was not present, another gay tenant in the complex said something like: “Hey, Mark…. where’s that guy you’re always out here with, you know, the one you’re dating?”
The next day Mark came to my door and was so angry with me I thought he was going to punch me out. He wanted to make a point that he was “Not gay, never had been gay and did not ever want to be gay” and how dare I tell the other guy that he and I were “dating”? He was so angry he was literally shaking. After explaining that I had said no such thing and that I hardly even knew the other tenant, he stormed off. I have not been down to the pool since then. I miss the platonic friendship that we had. Mark is a nice guy and I had no “designs” on him sexually. What can I do to straighten out this mess?
First, you live in a city so gay the wind blows with a lisp, so I can’t imagine why “Mark” would be so surprised and upset about being perceived as gay. Well, actually, I can. He’s a big old closet case. He could have easily laughed it off. He could have told your tenant, “I don’t know where he is, hopefully getting me a date with his sister.”
He’s angry for being classified as gay when he’s still on the borderline trying to make up his mind and the “label” shook him up because once you have that label you can’t go back.
Let’s be clear. A straight man would not invite another guy to sip wine, listen to music and have dinner alone in his apartment. That’s not friendship; that’s dating. Tell me a more traditional dating scenario than dinner and a movie.
Here’s what you do: Nothing. For a while, anyway. Let him cool off. You can’t make things right at the moment. Time is required to pass. In a couple of weeks call Mr. “Does this cock in my mouth make me look gay” closet case and invite him to dinner. Yes, dinner. You, him, and some beautiful girl you want to set him up with.