Whatever happened to opposites attract? I happen to be a not bad looking, smart and funny 25 year old who’s a bit on the slim side, who’s attracted to larger men–Bodybuilders, muscle bears, bears in general…
Need Wood: Can “Opposites Attract” Opposite Body Types?
by: Woody Miller
Hey, Woody!
Whatever happened to opposites attract? I happen to be a not bad looking, smart and funny 25 year old who’s a bit on the slim side, who’s attracted to larger men–Bodybuilders, muscle bears, bears in general. The big guys get my motor revving. And yet, they all seem to only have eyes for each other. I do find all types of men attractive, but the bigger guys just draw my eyes and keep them. That being said, am I all that rare about liking men who are different than I am or am I just not meeting other men who do? Is there a “gay opposites attract” personals website I don’t know about or is that my first million?
— Skinny for not so skinny
Dear Skinny:
No, it’s your first *half* million. The other half goes to me for approving and promoting your idea.
While there’s some evidence to the contrary, I think the “opposites attract” theory applies mostly to personalities, not bodies.
A better theory might be that people are physically attracted to the kind of bodies they want to have. That pretty much explains why the only people dining on the rumps of ground-pawing steers are other nostril-flaring queers. If you value muscle on you, you’re going to value it in your partners.
That’s why gym rats are attracted to gym rats, bears are attracted to bears and editors are attracted to nelly queens.
It’s pretty rare to see physical opposites connect. Thick, muscular guys are probably not going to be attracted to guys so skinny they have to jump around in the shower to get wet.
Most people are attracted to whom they want to look like. They’re attracted to people who have the qualities they don’t have but want to possess. It’s pretty easy to pick out: The skinny guys who want muscle daddies because they can’t put on any weight and feel inadequate in a world that only values muscle.
Your options are pretty standard: spelling out what you want in personal ads and chat rooms, paying for it, or worse, sweating for it: Hit the gym and become what you want to attract.
Hey, Woody!
After years of dating around, I am now seeing someone who wants monogamy. I admire the fact that no one else temps this man. Even porn doesn’t interest this incredibly wonderful man. How does somebody like me, who’s always thought “monogamy” was an eight-letter word for “monotony” stay true to just one man? How do I become worthy of monogamy?
— Curious
Dear Curious:
If you speak eight languages and can’t say NO in any of them, you’re going to have a hard time making it work with someone who thinks a three-way is how you conference in the third caller. How do you stay monogamous? The way you do anything that requires sacrifice: You remove yourself from temptations (don’t go out to bars), you remove temptations from you (hire ugly pool boys) and you focus on the reason you’re putting yourself through this hell in the first place (your love for an amazing man).
Monogamy is not natural. Just because monogamy’s not natural doesn’t mean it’s not attainable or desirable. Looking like a plucked, primped and pickled gym rat isn’t natural but it’s attainable, and depending on your sensibilities, desirable. If you want a 32″ waist you to have to exercise muscles and stay away from certain foods. If you want a monogamous relationship, you have to exercise restraint and stay away from certain men. You know, the ones with d–ks.
