“I have no problem with your pelvis at all, actually.” – Bruno Tonioli disagrees with other “Dancing With The Stars” judges, who complained that James Maslow’s bottom half was somewhat out of sync. Then again, I’m sure Bruno never met a groin he didn’t like.
Do you know what happened last month? It was Japan’s annual Penis Festival. How on Earth have I missed it all these years? On the first Sunday in April, thousands of people celebrated Kanamara Matsuri, which translates loosely as “Festival of the Steel Phallus”. There’s even a parade…kinda like in Italy where they carry statues of saints through the streets during various feasts. In Kawasaki, the people carry a gigantic pink penis down the street, children suck on penis-shaped lollipops, eat penis-shaped desserts, and play with penis-shaped balloons (otherwise known as inflated condoms). It’s said that this tradition was started by prostitutes praying to be saved from sexually transmitted diseases during the 17th century. But some people believe that the tradition is even older. There is a legend of a sharp-toothed demon that hid inside the vagina of a young woman. On her wedding night, the demon castrated two young men – why two men had access to this woman’s vagina on her wedding night is one of those mysteries that I’m sure got lost in translation lo these many generations since. The point is, the woman wanted to avoid castrating anyone else and asked a blacksmith to make her a steel phallus to break the demon’s teeth. I guess having a toothless demon living inside her vagina wasn’t much of an issue for horny Japanese men.
I’m sure by now you’ve all heard about filmmaker Bryan Singer and the underage teen. Back in 1999, Michael Egan was 17. He claims that he was lured into a world of alcohol, drugs and gay sex by Marc Collins-Rector. He was the chairman of Digital Entertainment Network – a proposed gay Internet site that would stream videos to subscribers. In the complaint, Egan claims that Collins-Rector facilitated a meeting with Singer at the DEN estate in Encino, California: “In compliance with the ‘rules’ imposed by Collins-Rector that people in the pool area were not allowed to wear clothes, Plaintiff was nude as was Defendant Singer. Collins-Rector ordered Plaintiff out of the pool, and Defendant Singer hugged Plaintiff and grabbed his bare buttocks. They then went to the jacuzzi where Collins-Rector had Plaintiff sit on his lap and fondled Plaintiff’s genitals. Collins-Rector then passed Plaintiff to Defendant Singer and Plaintiff was made to sit on Defendant Singer’s lap. Defendant Singer provided an alcoholic beverage to Plaintiff and mentioned finding a role for him in an upcoming movie that he was directing. Defendant Singer told Plaintiff how ‘this group’ controls Hollywood, and that he was sexy. Defendant Singer masturbated Plaintiff and then performed oral sex upon him.” And that’s just the beginning.
Allegedly, Egan was violated on numerous occasions. In fact, his mother claims to have filed a report with the LAPD and the FBI in 1999 – a claim which has yet to be substantiated. Nonetheless, in most states, the statute of limitations has already expired, except in Hawaii. According to the suit, Egan was flown to Kailua, Hawaii to stay at the Paul Mitchell estate in 1999…sigh, now they’re dragging poor Paul Mitchell into this. Egan claims that Singer made him inhale cocaine. After that, Singer again forced him to have both oral and anal sex – because someone high on cocaine has such a reliable memory. Problem is, Singer states that he was actually in Toronto shooting “X-Men” on the dates of the alleged abuse in the Aloha State. The director’s lawyer promises to file a counter suit with a claim for malicious prosecution. It should be added that Egan is being represented by Jeff Herman, the same attorney who represented several of the accusers in the Kevin “Elmo” Clash lawsuit. So, this could be the tip of the iceberg.
Jimmy Fallon recently did a tandem interview with the acting Evans brothers (as opposed to those hot rugby-playing Evans brothers). Chris was the one actually being interviewed by Fallon, but Scott came out to play “The Sibling-wed Game”, a strangely titled spin on “The Newlywed Game” starring siblings – although I believe the shows are identical in certain counties in Alabama! Despite the enjoyment of watching the brothers interact in a delightfully silly way (we’ll post the entire clip on our website), I was struck by something unexpected. In many ways, Scott is the cuter brother! I know – I was shocked too! It’s a hard gig being the brother of Captain America….to say nothing of the Human Torch! And I’m not even a leg man, but you really must check out Scott’s thighs. You can then compare them to those nude snaps we have of him on BillyMasters.com.
The United States Post Office is poised to release the Harvey Milk stamp on May 22nd, which is not only Harvey Milk Day but would also be the activist’s 84th birthday. The USPS made one major change in the stamp since it was first announced – it will be a Forever stamp. So buy as many as you can, and you can use them forever – well, until the USPS goes bankrupt!
As luck would have it, this week the Finnish postal service approved a series of three stamps commemorating Tom of Finland. The artist, noted for homoeroticism, will also be celebrated with an exhibit at Finland’s Postal Museum called “Sealed with a Secret: Correspondence of Tom of Finland”.
When you can buy gay erotica at the post office (at least in Finland), it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Of course, you can always get all the erotica you can handle at www.BillyMasters.com – the site that puts out. If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before a demon hiding in a vagina bites off my penis (as if). Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.