“I know a lot of secrets about Andy. I guess the one that would most surprise people is he’s a top. Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I’m just saying I think that would surprise people. And I don’t know this from personal experience, but from conversations I have had. I mean, it surprised me when I heard about it.” – Anderson Cooper reveals the preferred sexual position of his pal, Andy Cohen. I wasn’t very surprised – it’s not as if anyone said Anderson was a top.
It’s always hard to decide which story to tackle first. But this week, it’s clear – the Proud Whopper. Burger King sold this product (which came in a rainbow-colored wrapper) in select markets in June to celebrate Gay Pride Month. We’re told that all money raised went to fund the Burger King McLamore Foundation to provide scholarships to LGBT high school seniors. Needless to say, this whole thing generated a fair amount of negative comments. The American Family Association claims that the product was promoting homosexual conduct, which of course is ludicrous. As someone who is a Big Mac devotee, I wasn’t even swayed to buy a Whopper (although I’d like one of the wrappers). If they couldn’t convince me to eat a sandwich, I’m pretty sure they’re not gonna be able to convince anyone to switch their sexual preference.
Days after same-sex marriage was ruled as legal in Monroe County, Florida, a judge in Miami-Dade County also overturned the Florida ban on same-sex marriage. Judge Sarah Zabel ordered the Miami-Dade County Clerk of Courts to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. “Preventing couples from marrying solely on the basis of their sexual orientation serves no governmental interest. It serves only to hurt, to discriminate, to deprive same-sex couples and their families of equal dignity, to label and treat them as second-class citizens, and to deem them unworthy of participation in one of our fundamental institutions of our society.” Hear, hear.
There’s a legal situation between John Travolta and his ex-lover/pilot, Doug Gotterba. Doug had announced plans to write a tell-all memoir. He was then reminded (by a lawyer) that he had signed a confidentiality agreement with Travolta. Or did he? According to Gotterba, there was a draft of a confidentiality agreement that he saw and initialed, but the final draft was never signed nor was it filed with the court. Apparently, a California Appeals Court judge has ruled in his favor – or at least, has allowed that his challenge to the supposed agreement may proceed to trial.
If this is to really be the final season of “Two and a Half Men”, expect it to go out with a bang. CBS’s Nina Tassler announced that one of the storylines will be Walden (Ashton Kutcher) deciding he wants to be a father. Because the adoption process is apparently very difficult for a single father (even for a billionaire?), Walden decides to marry Alan (Jon Cryer) and adopt as a gay couple. Certainly there’s been a constant barrage of gay jokes about these two men living together, so it is a natural progression. I braced myself when I saw that GLAAD had issued a statement about the storyline. And yet, GLAAD president and CEO Sarah Kate Ellis didn’t immediately attack the show. Instead, she declined to comment until seeing the finished product. Now, that’s what I call progress! She did add, “We hope the show will acknowledge not only the progress made in acceptance of gay and lesbian couples, but also the fact that – in many areas of the country – same-sex couple are often under greater scrutiny or still barred from adoption options that straight couples have.”
Since I’m in Florida this week, I occasionally feel inadequate whilst walking along Miami Beach and seeing the people with better bodies strutting their stuff. And then I saw someone, not exactly strutting. He was, in fact, sitting and stuffing his face. And he was sporting that Pebbles Flintstone hairdo which was certainly a hair-don’t. I was more shocked when I realized that the gent in question was Leonardo DiCaprio. Methinks he’s been eating too much gelato when visiting his Veronese penthouse, which is kitty-corner to my plush but not overly ostentatious palazzo. So if you’ve ever wondered how chunky Leo can get between flicks, do check out BillyMasters.com.
If this season of “Dancing with the Stars” taught us anything, it was that Cody Simpson is not a star – at least not here in the United States. But, dagnabbit, he’s trying. Last month, he posted a photo of himself standing completely naked on his balcony. He was photographed from behind – almost like he was waiting for me to show up. And while I missed that golden opportunity, you don’t have to. You can find him on our website.
Sticking with exposed derrières, our “Ask Billy” question comes from Keith in Baltimore: “I don’t know if you’re a Monty Python fan, but in their final shows last week they sang ‘Every Sperm is Sacred’ and featured a really hot naked guy. We only saw his a–, but what an a– it was! Any idea who he was? Can you at least find a photo?”
I consider myself a somewhat casual Python fan, and I did indeed see “Monty Python Live (Mostly)”. It was hard to miss the hot guy in question, who I believe is the same guy who did some of the other solo bits. While I don’t know his name, I can go one better than post his photo – I can post the whole sketch on BillyMasters.com.
When two bare bottoms are better than one, we’ve certainly reached the end of yet another column. I’ll soon be trading one beachside resort for another. By this time next week, I’ll be at the Filth2Go Beach House in Provincetown – hobnobbing with Liza Minnelli, Alan Cumming, Carol Channing, Tommy Tune, Marilyn Maye, and Lord knows who else. In short, I plan to only spend time with people who will make me look young! Photos of this and all other celebrity exploits can be found on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that always keeps things above board. If you’ve got a question for me to tackle, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone forces me to take a Whopper! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.