“Andy and I were first set up on a blind date, which never happened ’cause we had a phone call and after two minutes I said, ‘I’m not dating this guy.’ He broke my cardinal rule, which is he mentioned my mom within the first four sentences of meeting me. If somebody does that, it’s a deal-breaker. And we’re never going on a date.” – Anderson Cooper talks about his aborted romantic relationship with Andy Cohen. Imagine how shocked Coop would have been if Cohen showed up for their date in a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans…or with a pet swan!
A few weeks ago I was in New York City. Because I know many of you travel so, I’ll tell you which shows to see, and which ones to skip. At the top of the list of anyone reading this column is the revival of “Falsettos”. It is the best production and cast of this show you’ll ever see, although what was once edgy and groundbreaking is somewhat dated today. Rather than play it as a period piece, the show is time-ambiguous, which works if you don’t think about it too much. Along with the illness which is never named, the pitfalls of coming out, relationships and parenting are still salient. Holding it all together is a masterful performance by Christian Borle – whose deflated arms prove that nothing lasts forever. As Marvin, he is never less than captivating vocally and dramatically. Stephanie J. Block plays the role of his ex-wife with enormous color and nuances. This made her “I’m Breaking Down” less schticky and more devastating. I was less enthralled by Andrew Rannells, who plays Borle’s lover. I’m surely in the minority of people who felt that his very specific talents were not a natural fit here. Throughout the show, I kept thinking how wonderful he must have been in “Hedwig”!

There’s no doubt that the hit of this Broadway season will be “Dear Evan Hansen”, a new musical about teen angst, suicide, social media, and coming of age. The show created quite a buzz last season off-Broadway, and that built-in audience has led to a frenzy reminiscent of the lead-up to “Hamilton”. The preview performance I attended was like a rock show, with palpable electricity in the audience from the moment the curtain rose. The show speaks to anyone who has felt like an outsider. Major kudos to Ben Platt (from “Pitch Perfect”), who is a shoo-in Tony winner. Truth be told, there’s nary a misstep in the entire production.
The best show on TV is “The X Factor UK”. In the past, I’d been a devoted “X Factor UK” fan. But once Sharon Osbourne left, I slowly lost interest. It was clear that the magic of the show was the chemistry between Sharon, Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh. Happily, the three are reunited this season (joined by Nicole Scherzinger), and I couldn’t be happier. One of the contestants is Saara Aalto, from Finland. From the time she was 15, she was dating (and later engaged to) one of Finland’s biggest pop stars, Teemu Roivainen. That all changed in 2012, when she was on the Finnish version of “The Voice”. She started getting fan letters from a girl named Meri Sopanen. A year later, they met at a concert. Shortly thereafter, Saara dumped her boyfriend of nine years and started dating Meri! The two are now engaged. On “The X Factor UK”, the host mentioned the engagement. Saara matter of factly referred to the fiancée as a woman, and nobody blinked an eye. We could learn a lot from the Brits.

After a long story about a British reality show, why not a story about a British reality star with a really long penis? Brandon Myers is a very hot 19-year-old who’s been featured on MTV-UK’s “Ex on the Beach”. He’s also posted photos of his enormous penis. So I wasn’t surprised when he posed nude for FitYoungMen.com, saying “Everyone was talking about it on ‘Ex on the Beach’. It’s nine and a half inches, and it’s a bit like having a tripod, or a third leg.” The site charges $57 to see his “9.5 inches of uncut beauty”. It’s far less on my site!
We can squeeze in a very short “Ask Billy” question. Thomas in Baltimore asks, “What do you know about Tom Ellis from ‘Lucifer’? He looks so familiar. Or maybe it’s just because he’s SO hot.”

You may remember the handsome Welsh actor from when he played Robin Hood on “Once Upon a Time”. Nope, not the Robin of Sean Maguire. Ellis played the role first, but had to bow out when the character became a regular the following season because he’d been cast in the USA series “Rush” – which was swiftly cancelled. But you’re in luck. During our research, we learned that Ellis appeared nude in the British series, “The Fades”. And in the spirit of giving, you can check him out on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re delivering one helluva drumstick, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. And you’ll be mighty thankful when you check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that delivers a horn o’ plenty to plenty o’ horny fans. If you’ve got a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Donald goes to see a Broadway show and is hissed at by “Cats”! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.