After reaching 40, I’ve felt a big drop-off in desire. I’m considering testosterone shots or patches to help. Any advice in this area? And who do you have to see to get them?
— Longing for lovin’
After 40, many men see their libido plummet like a meteor marked “special delivery” to Earth. However, the odds that your drooping sex drive is caused by a testosterone deficiency is lower than the odds of Bob Barr staying with his third wife. One percent, to be exact, according to my political spies and medical sources.
Still, you should have it checked out, because you might fall into that 1%. Go to any general practice physician and explain your situation. They’ll draw blood and test your testosterone levels. If they’re short, then you’re a good candidate for the shots or the “smoker’s” patches.
Understand that a lower sex drive is normal for guys as they get older. Aging has the same effect on your libido that a lighter foot has on your car’s accelerator–you’ll still get there, just maybe not as fast or as often as you’d like. But if what you’re experiencing isn’t deceleration but jammed brakes, it’s most likely caused by fatigue, stress or depression. When you go for the testosterone test ask your doc to give you a test for stress and depression.
For some reason, I go through these stages when I’m only interested in guys of a particular ethnic background. First it was Asian guys, and I made my way through the entire continent. Then my friends dubbed me the “Rice Queen” (isnt’ that racist of them?), and I moved on to Hispanics. I’ve had every Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican, Venezuelan, and Argentinian in town. Then, most recently, African American men are where it’s at! But with all the great sex, I’m still sort of lonely. Is the ethnic obsession the problem, or is that just my personal taste?
–Yo quiero taco homos
Nice to know the United Nations has a new “piecekeeping” force right here in the south. Your loneliness isn’t being caused by your sexual desire for men who are different from you. I happen to share your appetite for international appetizers. Black men are sexy, Asians are hot and Latinos, well, who wouldn’t leave home, family and career just to smell their dirty shorts?
But you’re confusing appetizers with entrees. One leaves you craving for more, the other fills you up. You sound like you need a little filling up. Stop dating so much and create some emotional magic with one (or two!) of your partners.
Your promiscuity may or may not be part of the problem. Personally, I don’t believe that promiscuity and loneliness are tied to the hip. Sleeping around doesn’t “cause” loneliness any more than celibacy “causes” emotional fulfilment. But promiscuity will make you lonelier if you’re sleeping around to avoid intimacy. Tricking because you’re horny and he’s hot is different than medicating yourself with sex because you’re scared to death of being emotionally close to a man. There are different reasons for being promiscuous. Some that serve us, some that don’t. You’ve got to figure it out for yourself. My advice: Don’t have sex for the next couple of months and try to figure out what it is that’s making you lonely. Only by not having sex can you be with yourself long enough without distraction to know yourself better.