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My Partner’s Drinking Makes Me Question My Sobriety

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Dear Andreus,

I am in recovery and have been for about 3 years now.  My current girlfriend likes to drink and does it frequently.  She knows about my recovery, and the struggles I have had with drugs and alcohol.  I cannot tell her not to drink just because I don’t, but being around her while she is indulging, really makes me question my sobriety sometime.  I would expect her to not do these things around me, but she does. What am I supposed to do? If I didn’t love her so much, I would have left already, because my sobriety is everything for me.

Sincerely,

Sober Samantha

Dear Samantha,

First, congratulations on your sobriety.  You are right in expecting the person that you love and that loves you, to be very aware of your sobriety and not do anything to jeopardize it.  Unfortunately, we all do not think the same. Sometimes what we expect as the norm, is completely opposite for someone else. You must address the issue.  Very blatantly let her know how you feel. You are right in saying that you cannot tell her to drink, but you can ask that she doesn’t do it in your space.  Maybe you need to separate the time you spend with her between one on one (sober time), and social time that she can go spend with her friends and drink if she sees fit without making you uncomfortable. Talk to her.

 

Dear Andreus,

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I have always had depression, since I was a child, and it stems for a variety of reasons.  I manage well with prescribed medications and staying active. My boyfriend has introduced the idea of us moving in together, and it terrifies me.  I would love for us to live together, but because I feel like I manage my depression, I have never told him. Sometimes when I am alone, my depression is heavy, but no one is there to notice.  I am so afraid that he will run away.

Sincerely,

Ricky G

Dear Ricky G,

The best thing you can do, especially if you want a happy and functional relationship, is tell the truth.  Have a sit down with him, tell him about your depression and your fears. You might be pleasantly surprised.  You might want to start out by asking some questions to see if he is knowledgeable on mental health issues, before you drop the bomb.  If you find out he is, go for it! If you find out he isn’t, find him some materials and information to help him understand. Ultimately, if he loves you, it should not really make a difference, as long as your depression doesn’t manifest any violent behaviors.  I wish you both the very best. Now get packing!

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