Everything I knew of my relationship was just shattered this past Christmas. My boyfriend and I had dinner with our closest friends, and then went out for drinks. As the night progressed, I noticed that he was getting pretty wasted, and I suggested we go home. Right in front of our friends, he started insulting me and telling me that I need to f*ck off and go home if I wanted to. When I finally did get him to go, it was a difficult ride home, with him arguing and bickering with me the whole way. When we arrived at home, I told him that I was embarrassed, and that I think he needs to be more responsible with his drinking. He turned around and punched me in the face. I never knew he could be violent, and now I don’t know what to do.
Seems like you have some serious decisions to make. My mother used to always tell me that alcohol was truth serum, and I tend to agree. When people start drinking, their filters drop, and they become much less inhibited. That is normally the time that you get the underlying persona. Verbal abuse is unacceptable, and physical abuse should not be tolerated. The moment that someone puts their hands on you, it should be a game changer. Most of the time, given the right circumstances, it will happen again. Anyone who truly loves you, and respects you, will find a civil way to resolve whatever issues there might be. Hitting someone, is a blatant and aggressive sign of control and disregard. Don’t allow bruised to evolve into broken.
I am in an interracial marriage. I am Latino, and my husband is White. We love each other dearly, and when it is just he and I, my husband treats me with the utmost respect. The issue is, his friends. Every time we all get together, or they come to our house, they start making jokes about Latinos, asking things like “Did you come in a boat?”, or trying to talk with a Latino accent. I have said something to my husband a couple of times about it, but he says that they are just playing and not to take it seriously. I find it offensive, and it really makes me not want to be around any of them. I am proud of who I am. How can I stop this?
Dear Proud Latino,
First let me say that you should be proud. Being Latino, no matter what country you represent, is a very rich culture, encompassing all types of mixes, colors and traditions. Personally, I can relate, as it even happens amongst other Latinos. I am Puerto Rican, but dark-skinned. My complexion always seems to be the focus of some humor, and it makes me uncomfortable. I started saying something, and calling people out at the exact moment that they say something that I find offensive. Most of the time when people are going to offend you, they start their comment with “No offense, but”. You have to teach people how to treat you. Let them know that you feel disrespected and to not do it again. Sometimes people don’t know better, and if they do and find it humorous, then you have the right to put them in check. Also, if your husband loves you, he has a responsibility to tell his friends that it is disrespectful, and not make allowances for that just because they are his friends. Unfortunately, this type of racial and cultural disrespect exists in the world, and even more so in the gay community. The only way to stop it, is by taking action, one by one.
Communication is the key to solving most of our problems when it comes to relationships. All the best!