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Dear Andreus,

I have been hooking up with the same guy for a while.  We met on Grindr, and it has always only been a sex thing for me.  We have sex, and then he leaves. The last couple of times he has been hanging around and trying to be a bit more romantic with me.  He keeps hinting at things like wanting a boyfriend, and needing a relationship, but I don’t want that with him. I don’t know what to do.  I love the sex, but he is not the type of guy that I could have a relationship with. Help!

Happily Single

Dear Happily Single,

There is no way to handle this situation other than being honest.  If you want only a sexual relationship, then you need to tell him. Some people are not able to separate sex from their emotions, so they equate sex with love.  You are obligated to be straightforward. The longer you do this, potentially the more emotionally involved he will become. Then instead of him being a little hurt that you don’t want more, he will be crushed.  It’s always important to be direct about what you want from the beginning so nobody gets hurt.

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Dear Andreus,

I just got the opportunity of a lifetime. I got an amazing promotion at work, and the pay is outstanding. I have been waiting years for this, but there is a problem.  It requires that I move to the west coast, and my partner does not want to go. I am so conflicted because I have really wanted this job and have been working towards it for at least 10 years now. I love him, and I don’t want to leave him behind, but he is dead set on not moving. What am I supposed to do?

Sincerely,

Jason G.

Dear Jason,

First, congratulations on the promotion!  Seems like you are struggling between two loves.  Having worked so hard, you deserve to pursue your promotion.  Is it possible that you and your partner can come to some type of arrangement?  Maybe he can live part-time with you there or visit you a week out of every month.  There is no easy way through this situation. You guys are going to have to sit down and really talk about this.  If you two have a solid relationship, there will be a way to figure this out, so everyone at least gets some of what they want.  Don’t make any demands and don’t give ultimatums. Just talk about it and ask him what he would do if he were in your shoes. I really hope it works out.