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Dear Andreus,

How do you tell someone they have a drinking problem?  My husband loves to frequent the bars. He hangs with his friends, and always ends up coming home trashed. I am a homebody, but because of his drinking, I end up going out to make sure that he is okay. The other issue is that he spends an insane amount of money when he is out, buying everyone rounds while he gets hammered.  The issue is that he doesn’t think he has a problem.

Sincerely,

Sober Stephen

Dear Sober Stephen,

Like an earlier column I had, I mentioned that you cannot get someone to accept that they have a problem in the face of denial. You certainly should not have to be babysitting though.  Maybe if you address this from a financial point of view, things will change. For now, if you must, go out with him. Start collecting the receipts from the bar tabs, and when you have a few, then show him.  Don’t make the focus on his drinking, make it on the money wasted. Possibly when he realizes how much money he is burning he will at least cut back. Sometimes you must take different routes to get to the same destination. This way he might realize on his own after seeing those receipts, that he has a drinking problem. Best of luck.

Dear Andreus,

My boyfriend is a flight attendant. I love him, but it is kind of hard sometime because he is constantly gone. I have never had any concerns about him cheating or anything when he travels, until recently. He came home from a trip, unpacked and when he got into the shower his phone started going crazy with incoming text messages. I wasn’t intentionally being nosey, but when I looked, some of the messages that popped up were alarming. Basically, someone was telling him that they had a good time, and if he stays at the same hotel next time, they should hookup again. That doesn’t sound good, and I want to ask him about it, but how do I do it without it sounding like an accusation. Bottom line is I need to know.

Sincerely,

Roman S.

Dear Roman,

There is only one way to find out.  If it is something that is bothering you, it is only going to get worse until you address it.  Don’t accuse him of anything, just let him know that unintentionally you noticed the messages and wanted to know more about it. One of the biggest mistakes that people make in relationships is making accusations.  The moment you accuse someone of something, they are going to immediately become defensive thus spawning an argument or fight. So just simply ask if it is anything to be concerned about, and if he loves you he’ll tell you the truth.  If he lies and you find out otherwise, then you have some decisions to make. I truly hope every works out.