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Dear Andreus,

My boyfriend likes to party. He goes on binges and sometimes disappears. I know what‘s happening when he is gone, because he always comes back in the middle of heavy withdrawals.  I love him, but I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. He told me that if I were to get it for him, that he would not disappear anymore. I know this not a good idea, but I don’t want to lose him. I also don’t want to feel guilty for supporting his habit. Is there anything I can do to help him without everything falling apart?

Sincerely,

Cody D.

Dear Cody,

I think you already know the answers to your questions. There is just no way that this a good thing. Why would you support something that you don’t agree with? Are you really helping him, or enabling him for your own agenda? Is it that important to keep your relationship with him, if it’s not healthy? I don’t condemn anyone for what they do, but we know the impact that partying has on our community. Speaking from experience, the only thing you can do is try to get him help. If he doesn’t want it, in lieu of losing yourself completely, you might have to just walk away. Best of luck.

Dear Andreus,

What do you do when you like someone and they steal from you? I have been single for two years after a very complicated divorce from my ex-hubby. I have been dating the past month and a half with a totally dreamy blond hippie boy from California. He has been amazing. He makes me laugh, is affectionate and attentive, and I love every moment we have together. He stays over at my place quite a bit and knows his way around my house. I have a particular spot where I keep extra cash on hand and noticed that $150 was missing. About three days later, he came to me with $150 saying that he had an emergency and had borrowed it from me and was paying it back. Even though he gave the money back, the point was that he didn’t ask. I feel violated. I really like him, but trust is everything. Where do we go from here?

Sincerely,

Don G.

Dear Don,

Trust is everything. It is commendable that he brought your money back, which does show integrity, but there is a bigger issue here. As we both know, the smart thing to do, would have been to ask for it. I understand that you feel violated, as you should.  Someone you care for deeply made a decision about something that overstepped boundaries. You can talk to him and make it abundantly clear that this can never happen again and hope for the best. Or maybe restrict some time at your place so he is aware that it was not okay. Trust is earned, and maybe in time he can earn it back. It doesn’t seem like he meant anything by it, but you still must set boundaries.