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My Boyfriend Wants an Open Relationship

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Dear Andreus,

My boyfriend wants to open our relationship. We have been together for 10 years, and he says that we are strong enough to now experiment. Even though I told him I don’t exactly like the idea, he keeps pushing it.  Admittedly, there is a guy that we both find super-hot, that he is suggesting we play around with, but I am just afraid of the repercussions. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Roland P.

Dear Roland,

Situations such as this are like Pandora ’s Box.  Once you open it you are not sure what is going to be unleashed, but things will never be the same.  That is a decision that you must make with the utmost comfort being aware of the possible repercussions.  There is no turning back. For some people it works, and for others it is destructive to their relationship.  I think the first question that needs to be addressed is if there is something missing from your relationship that prompts the need to open that door.  Maybe just something new or spontaneity could refresh your relationship without going that route. But ultimately, it’s a decision that should be made with both people in complete agreement without hesitation.  Hope that helps. 

Dear Andreus,

My girlfriend and I have been raising a child together. I work, and she pretty much watches our 3-year-old.  I work super long shifts and feel like I am missing out on so much of our son’s life. I want to switch roles for a while, let my girlfriend go back to work, and get some much-needed parenting time with our son.   I feel particularly strong about it because I am the one who physically gave birth to him. My girlfriend is against it. She keeps saying don’t try to fix what’s not broken. Help me please.

Sincerely,

Sarah J.

Dear Sarah,

This is not the first time I have witnessed this struggle with parenting equality.  May I suggest that both of you come to an agreement that allows for you both to have equal time with your son, which in parenting is usually the goal.  You could start by cutting back hours and asking your girlfriend to work a schedule that allows for both of you to get roughly the same amount of time with your son, including complete family time together.  These years are essential, and if you are raising him together, then you both need to be equally present. 

 

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