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My Ex-Wife and Children Don’t Know I’m Gay

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Dear Andreus,

My ex-wife does not know I am gay. We have children together, and I usually go back to my hometown to visit my family and my children, who are in their late teens. They have never been to my house, and they are also are not aware of my lifestyle. There has been a lot of pressure for them to come and visit me, but the issue is that my partner lives with me. I don’t want to ask him to leave while my children come to visit, so what do I do?

Sincerely,

Gregory G.

Dear Gregory,

Honesty is the best policy! In this situation, you should have a sit down with your ex-wife first, then with your children. Tell them the truth. Tell your ex-wife first, and maybe you can decide on a way to communicate this to your children. That way, when they come to visit, there are no surprises. No one should be left out. Your partner should not have to leave your home, and your children should be able to respect your life choices, otherwise, you may need to interact away from your home. These types of things are not always easy, however, the truth however painful, usually sets everyone free.

Dear Andreus,

I own two homes. I live in one with my girlfriend, soon to be wife, and I rent out the other. The rental property is now vacant, and my fiancée wants me to rent it out to her brother. I do not want her brother as a tenant. For one, he is a drug addict, and has terrible addictions to many substances. He cannot hold a job and has a variety of unsavory friends. Secondly, I don’t want to mix a business arrangement with someone that can affect my relationship. My fiancée says that I should do it because it is her brother. I feel trapped in this decision, please help me.

Sincerely,

Margie K.

Dear Margie,

You are within your rights to make whatever decision you wish, especially given the circumstances. If he cannot hold a job, and has severe issues with addiction, any landlord would probably shy away from renting to him. That point should be obvious. You are also very smart to avoid this for personal reasons. The dynamics of what could happen with him as a tenant, could have adverse effects on your relationship, and cause problems between you and your fiancée.  Discuss this with her, making your concern for your relationship with her, the forefront. Family, friends and business are always risky, so follow your gut!

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