Dear Andreus,

A dear friend of mine has succumbed to addiction. I am not sure the circumstances that have led to his meth addiction, but he is falling deep and fast. He is homeless now, in the streets, using and having sex with whoever will supply him. I have tried to help him without enabling him, but he is not interested in rehab, or staying away from the people who are getting him strung out. I am so afraid that this addiction might cost him his life. Is there anything that I can do to force him to get help?

Sincerely,

Arnaldo G.

Dear Arnaldo,

One of the hardest things to do, is to watch some you love self-destruct. Unfortunately, often we cannot do anything about it. We can advise them, and try to help them without enabling them, but if they are not open to help and/or recovery, there is nothing that you can do. Addiction is a very strong thing, especially to chemical substances such as meth. Usually nothing changes until the individual becomes disgusted with themselves and their life’s condition. Otherwise it sometimes ends in homelessness, jail, and even death.  Just be a friend as that is all you can do. However there are times where you must disconnect. I hope your friend finds his way. 

Dear Andreus,

I am a licensed massage therapist. I recently have gotten serious with a guy I have been dating, and wanting to take things to the next step, like moving in together. He told me that he has reservations because he doesn’t believe that there is such a thing as a gay massage therapist that offers services without sex involved. We have had some arguments about this, because sex is not a part of my services, and will never be. Why do I have to convince him of this? He has suggested that I need to find another profession if we are to stay together.   

Sincerely,

Julian K.

Dear Julian,

Without reservation, I would say to you that love doesn’t work that way.  If you are good at your job, and happy with it, then there is no reason why you should have to change professions because of his issues. It boils down to one thing, insecurity. Maybe he has been hurt or lied to before, but that is not your problem. If you have been honest with him about what you do, and sex is not involved, there is really nothing more for you to do. If he cannot accept that, I would say, MOVE ON. Being with someone is never about changing them, as much as it is encouraging them to be better by loving them for who they are.